My wife is killing me with night shifts

Dear BMW,

Call me all sorts of names, but I just have to say it here that if I am found dead, it’s because my wife has overworked me to my grave.

Biggy, I have been married for the last four years. All I can say is these four have been years of bliss.

At first, I thought her demands would stop. But no! The more we are together, the more her demands in bed have increased. She will be satisfied for a day or so and sleep peacefully like a baby, but for the next two weeks or so she will be nagging and begging for more.

This week, I have experienced something I have never experienced before. My wife is always awake at night, maso thwani, thwani ngati mfiti. When I ask her why she is not sleeping, she tells me she is on fire. Sometimes challenges me by asking that if I am a man, why was I sleeping when she is there awake?

In short, she wants me to be making love to her every night which I can’t as I have other equally important things to think about at night. I also have bills and debts to pay and, of course, side chicks to service.

Old man, you have been married before, how do I tell my woman that men do not like to have sex every night without hurting her feelings?

Down-and-out, via WhatsApp, Namiyango

Down-and-out,

Wonders shall never end! While some men always complain that their wives deny them conjugal rights, here comes one complaining that his wife wants sex, sex and more sex!

Without being so macho, some would say you must be a lucky guy. That would be damn sexist, since women are never supposed to be sex machines.

It is normal that discrepancies in bed exist. You can have a man who wants to have it all the time: in the bathroom, on the bed, in the kitchen and even in the car. Yet, their wives can be like: Don’t even touch me.

In your case, it is the other way round.

Some men use the excuse that their wives are always saying ndatopa to munch the goods elsewhere. So, you see, you are in danger of having your woman seeking satisfaction elsewhere. Take care! Come to think of it, your wife being laid because you couldn’t satisfy her.

Mate, there are so many natural and cosmetic boosters to have you engage another gear. Groaning will take you nowhere. Go on the street, talk to the boys and they will give you one or even more remedies.

I really wanted to laugh when you put it that when you open your eyes from deep slumber, you find your wife maso thwani thwani! Yes, I did really laugh. You know why, that lack of sleep, insomnia, is a sure sign that your wife is not having enough sex. Ask me for proof and I will tell you even scientists will tell you that oxytocin and vasopressin are two chemicals that are released during orgasm are associated with sleep.

Instead of mocking your wife’s lack of sleep, man up and give her sleep! You don’t want to be playing lullabies for her unless you are an untamable fool.

First, you must understand that by wanting more sex from you, it may not necessarily be that she is promiscuous or ali ndi mauka. No! Is she on some sort of medication, which may be putting her sex drive in top gear?

By the way, how old is she? It may be that she is far much younger than you. N’chifukwa chake timati age matters, that age ain’t nothing but a number, at times, is a farce.

You also need a bit of soul-searching within yourself. You may be stressed that getting to bed is a hustle. This may happen sub-consciously. Remember, going under the sheets is a psychological game and you need to set your mind straight, osamangonamizira she is giving me night shifts!

It may be like you are sinking so low, but hey, talk to her about her bed antics! Talk about how you feel about each other and how you can sort out the sensuality and sexuality of your family.

When all is said and done, how can you ask me that your wife is asking for too much sex from you, she is your wife. Solve her problem!n

NOTE: You can now send your problems to BMW via WhatsApp number: +265 888-209-027. No calls please!