Police are spying on me!

I was getting out on a trip through Kamuzu International Airport. As I passed through one of the police check-points at the airport, one of the policemen asked me the question: Where do you work Mr Mvula? I corrected him and said that I was, in fact, Muula (the tree) and not Mvula (rain or the person who undresses).

Since the policeman seemed to entertain questions, I asked mine: “How did you know my name and that I was travelling?” The policeman said: “Achimwene, ndipapolisi pano.” I felt important, extremely important. The police knew that I was travelling. The police knew my name. Huh huh! These guys must be listening to my phone calls. They know where I live. They know where I go to work. They are following me all the time. Taxpayers’ money being wasted following me. What a shame! I can’t even hurt a fly or an ant. Who can I kill?

There is, of course, an alternative explanation to the police experience I have described above. The person already knew my name through other means. I could have gone to school with him but I can’t remember him. He may have guessed the name, although this seems unlikely. He may have seen me elsewhere where my name was displayed (like in this newspaper). And so, his saying “ndipapolisi pano” may have just been nothing but trying to be important.

As I passed the airport, I understood why Madonna was incensed with her recent experience where she was not allowed to pass through the VIP section. The airport, at least the commoners’ departure and arrival sections, were not created to ensure human dignity. I have come through the international arrivals at Kamuzu International Airport when I needed to go to the toilet. After the passport check-in counters, you have the opportunity to go into the (men’s) toilet.

For goodness sake, there are no urinals. Yes, you find them at the airport in Lilongwe. And then you go into the cubical and you want to do the real thing, kolimba kamene. So you want to sit down and ….nanga tiziti mwabadwa lero? What you find, however, is that there is no latch to lock yourself in securely to be entirely free. So, you have one hand holding the door so that no one opens the door and finds you messing up the water. It is a shame and people such as Madonna would not know what to do in such circumstances.

Talking about spying, I thought Honourable Goodall Gondwe was extremely naïve to have come out of political retirement and join government as Minister of Economic Planning in the JB government. Why, you may ask. Well, JB and her security were told that Goodall may have been involved in the activities surrounding the death and burial of Bingu. I am not saying Goodall did what they say he did. But even before the Bingu commission, JB knew all of it. And they asked: how can we spy on Goodall? Give him a Cabinet position and we will follow him day and night. Maale!