The calamity of ‘anakaonekera kwathu’

Hello Biggie,

I am just 28 and quite proud. I have two kids and in a relationship with this other guy for a year now. As a matter of fact, he has been to my home- -anakaonekera ndithu. Trouble is, when he is with my friends, he tells them there is no way he can tie the knot with me. He says I am the one who is clinging to him. What do I do?

JN, Via E-mail.

Dear JN,

Asking me what to do in this case, is like asking me whether your eyes should be used for seeing and ears for hearing! Do you want the axe to come grinding on your head for you to understand this man is just playing you?

What do you want me to do? Ask you to cajole this partner of yours to help you raise these two kids of yours? Sorry, but I will not do that, you can bet a dime on it, because that spade you see is no big spoon.

This is the calamity many girls and women are finding themselves in. From your tone, it would appear you have already had the man munch the goods. When girls and women say ‘anakaonekera kwathu’ it means he built and feigned so much trust and confidence in me that I let him lay me. Myopia, this is it! You should learn that boys, and men, can have all the tricks in their books- -which by the way are inborn rather than acquired through some formal training–to get girls to bed.

So there.

I hope against all hope that as I am writing, you have not hidden the fact that the man has already planted some seed in you! That is very much likely, a sad home truth.

So, if you ask me what to do, I will advise you to go to the nearest Voluntary Counselling and Testing Centre and see if he has not infected you with the quite outdated gonorrhea, syphillis, candidiasis, genital warts, human immuno-deficiency virus or the human papilloma virus. Get that necessary test.

Then, you can also consider going for a pregnancy test now.

One other thing, keep off the boys and concentrate on raising the kids. And, at least, get a father figure for them, if you can for your boyfriend is in love with your friends and you have lost him.

Master BMW,

I am younger than her, by far. When I told mum I was going to marry her, she was pessimistic. She went ahead and paid for my higher education, bought mother a house, started a business for my sisters, bought me a house and cars and everything a man would need. We got married.

Today, when we quarrel over the smallest things, she reminds me of where I am coming from. Help me out.

SP, Lilongwe.

SP,

What else can I call you but a gold digger who gets what they deserves? So you, and your mama, thought marriage is about wealthy and material things only?

This woman needed stability. She is very clever and she got all the stability she needed and you, like a sheep to the slaughter, you ended up in her slaughter house. Get a life, young man.

You thought she loved her, no she did not. She needed someone to warm her bed! Chances are high this woman has been married more than three times and it is my educated guess you dumped some girl your size for this woman.

What are you worth after the stint in the marriage you want to end? What will be your take with the new Marriage Act in place?

Get a girl your age to go out with. If your wife finds out, that will be your own funeral! n