What if you are the ‘red flag’?

Oftentimes when relationships fail or when we face serious challenges, we blame it on the partner. We lament that we should have paid more attention to the ‘red flags’ that the partner exhibited and left earlier on or avoided dating them in the first place. But what if we are the ‘red flag’ and we don’t even know it. We think we are perfect, but part of our behaviour or conduct is hurtful to the partner and robs them of their peace.

What are red flags? They are warning signs that indicate unhealthy or manipulative behaviour. They are not always recognisable at first — which is part of what makes them dangerous. However, they tend to grow bigger and problematic over time.

So, what are some of the common red flags that many of us take as normal? I am talking about things that we commonly do, thinking we are within our rights to behave as such towards our loved ones. It is time for some self assessment.

Calling a loved one too many times: If we are in the practice of calling our love interest too many times in a day and night demanding to know every detail of what they are doing, then we are the red flag. This is possessiveness that leads one feeling overwhelmed and controlled. At times, we call so many times, unnecessarily so that we disturb our love interest from concentrating on their day job or studies. When they complain, we accuse them of ignoring us and of giving their attention to someone else.

Asking for financial support/loans too often: Love is a two way street whereby both parties are expected to give and take. But if you are always asking for financial support or loans which you never pay back, consider yourself a red flag. At times, our love interest may not say anything, but they feel overwhelmed by incessant begging or requests for financial support. Some even fear taking our calls knowing that the main topic will be money, money and money.

Being at odds with too many relatives, including parents: There are some relatives we never get along with. But it is incumbent upon us to try and be civil with them or at least not say too much about our fractured relationships. But if we find ourselves forever stating how much you hate or dislike certain relatives and how you are at ‘peace’ not talking to them, especially parents, it is time to consider ourselves a walking ‘red flag’.

Entertaining members of the opposite sex much to the discomfort of our significant other: I know there is one word which is heavily abused— friendship. We tend to have inapprop r i a te connections with members of the opposite sex and when our significant other complains, we become defensive and claim that they are just friends and that they (partner) are just insecure and jealous.

So, while it is good to look out for red flags in the person we want to date or the person we are dating, we should start by looking at ourselves. Let us ask ourselves the hard questions: “Am I a good person? Am I being fair to my partner? If the roles were reversed, would I have loved to be treated the way I am treating them?” With honest answers to such, we will be better people and better partners. Maybe before we go about accusing our significant other of having red flags, we should have a soul searching moment.

Are you a walking red flag????