When husband falls in love with your sister

The phenomenon of a husband falling in love with his wife’s sisters is as old as it is new. Indeed, there have been occurrences in the past, they are there now and are expected to last.

Such acts will, however, remain strange in our midst because not only are they shocking each time they happen, but also regarded as taboos even though some cultures embrace them as normal.

But just how do families handle these “cross breeds”, particularly where the in-law has been impregnated or threatens to leave the older one for her younger sister?

Paramount Chief Lundu of Chikhwawa dismissed such acts as completely wrong and uncultural which he said must be condemned in the strongest terms.

“This is one way of spreading HIV and Aids between the husband, his wife and sister-in-law in case they are all positive.

“But even where they are clean, it impinges on the rights of the wife and her younger sister because of the hatred that arises thereafter,” he said.

Lundu said while this act was discouraged, he is aware of certain cultures that permit a younger sister to be married off to her brother-in-law, a situation he said was mainly triggered by poverty.

Marriage counselor Hastings Phale believe that the cause to be the existence of a fornication spirit in the family, usually without the suspicion of the wife.

“It is best not to fight but accept that fornication took centre stage with the husband taking full responsibility and apologise. However, the family needs to be counselled to know their spiritual lives because without God, the situation can never change,” he said.

Psychologist Chiwoza Bandawe said handling of the situation depends on proximity of the two involved in the affair: that is, if the sister-in-law stays with the couple or outside.

He said the immediate step is for her to move out of the couple’s matrimonial home with the assurance of no contact thereafter.

“Practical steps work quicker than anything else. If the sister stays outside, then it can be handled like any other affair. It would involve bringing parties together with key leading family members emphasising on the shame the act would bring to the clan,” he said.

Reverend Towera Masiku admitted that this was a very sensitive and much debated subject.

She said such acts come about because of a disregard for the tenets that make up the family, thereby neglecting the very foundation for which marriage was intended.

“In most cases, this results in family hurt, more especially the woman’s family.  Husband and wife are one body, their families become one

“Your sister-in-law is, therefore, your sister. According to Leviticus 18, marrying your sister-in-law is unclean,” said Masiku.