One of the avid readers of this column recently reached out to me on WhatsApp to share his struggle. With his permission, I will share his story.
This gentleman is newly married. Before his marriage, he had twin babies with his ex-girlfriend. He told me the pregnancy was a result of contraceptive failure, but both of them agreed to embrace the situation and co-parent the twins.
“The challenges began the moment I told my ex-girlfriend that I was getting married. I saw a side to her that I had never seen before. She became erratic and started making bizarre demands regarding the twins,” he explained.
According to him, the ex-girlfriend insisted he visit the children at her house every evening after work—and if he failed, he would not be allowed to see them at all. Sometimes she would send him pictures of the twins, but ensure she was prominently featured in the shots, even though he had repeatedly asked to see photos of just the children.
These games continued until he eventually married, and then the situation escalated. He has now gone six months without seeing his twins because the ex-girlfriend demands that he visit alone. The one time he went with his wife, the ex barricaded herself inside the house until he left. He gave me numerous other examples showing how she was clearly using the children to either punish him or draw him closer to her again.
Unfortunately, this is not an isolated case. When relationships break down and children are involved, things often get messy. It is common for one partner, hurt, angry, or unwilling to move on, to weaponise the children. Co-parenting then turns into a battlefield.
I always say this: when love dies, there is nothing you can do to resurrect it. You either accept the reality, or you drag innocent children into a fight they did not sign up for.
And it is not just women who do this. Some men use child support as a tool of control. They withhold money meant for their children to manipulate their ex-partners into giving them attention—or worse, to regain physical access to their bodies. This is not only cruel; it is disgraceful. If you could not keep her as your partner, do you really have to use your own children as bargaining chips?
Here is the truth: children would prefer their parents together, yes, but if the relationship is toxic, they would rather see them apart and at peace. Once we bring children into this world, our selfish desires must take a back seat. Their well-being should come first, always.
Any parent with a sound mind should never use their children to settle scores or feed their ego. Sadly, it happens to both men and women. Some women deliberately cause chaos in their exes’ new lives using the children. Some men use child support to control and torment their ex-girlfriends. Both practices are destructive, and in the end, the biggest losers are always the children.
In conclusion, children are a gift from God. But before we bring them into this world, we must pray for wisdom and discernment in choosing the right partners to raise them with. Not everyone deserves the privilege of being your co-parent.
Happy Sunday!
