I have heard lovers lash out at each other claiming to have been one’s saviour. Words such as, unali ndani iwe popanda ine? Ndamusambitsatu ine amene uja, angandiuze chani? Umadana ndi akawathunidmangokupilira, I am all you have and you will never find another lover like me or udzandifuna, yelekeza kundisiya uone, etc are some of the common venoms spat during quarrels. Lovers will bring out a past or bad experience to spite one another. They may include one’s paternity doubt or mistakes, subjecting children to ridicule in the process.
A love is meant to bring out the best in each other. It is supposed to be a safe place of comfort, pleasure, kindness, understanding and peace. Ordinarily, a lover or partner should protect each other, even their most outrageous offences. That is why it is called love; accepting strengths and weaknesses.
People argue by human nature and it is normal. But arguments are not places to bring out bad sides or darkness. They are not times to remind each other what we have done for the other or how ungrateful we feel the other is. It is definitely not a time to remind one about his or her family feuds or capitilise on weaknesses. They are simply disagreements and misunderstandings over a situation which can be handled matyrely. There is no need to dive deeper in our pasts and open scars or wounds over just one argument.
When we love someone, we become privy to their inner most beings and secrets. We open up to each other and everything is laid bare for the other to see and hear because of the proximity we develop. Some have opened up even about prior convictions or unsolved crimes. They do it out of love and trust.
Noone under the banner of a lover has the right to stand in the public square to scandalise the other, even reminding them they were conceived through rape. No one has the right to injure that person who opened up to when affection was at its peak. There is no point to open such a can of worms just because we are angry.
When we decide to do things for people we love, it should be based on that- uncoerced. And when the other party steps on our toes, be civilised and don’t bring it up. It is absurd to assume that when you buy one a car, house or clothes, you become immune to their leaving or angering you. It’s impossible. And because fights are inevitable, with or without gifts or good gestures, live with it. Do not place a notepad on your pillow to read out to your loved one when they err. Sizikuthandizani amtaa. Save yourself from the high blood pressure or disappointment. Buy the gifts with an open mind that someday, that person will disappoint you or even leave you.
