Mbirigha: A token to a husband
Giving out a daughter to a man for marriage transfers the parental role of the wife’s parents to the man. Among the Tumbukas, if a man proves to be a caring husband, he gets Mbirigha, a token from his wife’s family. ALBERT SHARRA explores what Mbirigha is.
According to Unicef’s 2012-2016 Child Protection Strategy, about 41 percent of women in Malawi experience physical or sexual violence. Sadly, most of this violence happens in marriages.
It is everyone’s desire to end this violence, but in a peaceful manner. In other tribes, parents or guardians just take away their child from the marriage or punish the husband.
The Tumbukas believe in peaceful approaches that shape the mind and serves the future. It is this concept that breeds the Mbelwa tradition of Mbirigha.
Towenji Phiri of Nyirenda Village in Traditional Authority (T/A) Mbelwa in Mzimba defines Mbirigha as the practice of appreciating husbands who provide good care to their wives.
Phiri, who is in her late 70s, says Mbirigha is the girl who is given to the husband as a second wife in form of a token of appreciation.
“When a man gives good care to his wife, the parents observe this and if they are impressed, they consider thanking the husband by giving him another daughter. This daughter is usually a sister from the wife’s family,” she said.
Phiri says the second daughter is not given to the man to help in house chores only, but to live as a second wife in the family. She says the man is given all the powers to control and treat and interact with the new wife as he pleases.
“This is a second wife. Since they are sisters, they may choose to use one bedroom or each have hers. Mind you, this is a tradition which everyone understands, and we don’t face challenges when implementing it,” she said.
According to Phiri, the process begins at the family where the parents approach the uncle of the child and inform him about their decision to honour the husband to their daughter. She said it is the uncle that goes to meet the husband’s uncle and inform him of the development.
“In Tumbuka, it is the uncles who have the final say in our activities and when the two meet and understand each other, the deal is sealed. The next stage is to talk to the girls. There is no resistance from any of the daughters because they understand it as part of our tradition.”
She also pointed out that they do not hold a special ceremony for this unless requested by the new wife.
“Things are changing. Wedding ceremonies have become every girl’s dream. There have been occasions when I have appreciated some girls requesting for an official wedding ceremony. Others have requested to go for HIV and Aids tests. We cannot control this. It is all about time,” she said.
She, however, pointed out that the practice is not highly practised today as it was before, citing various changes such as promotion of human rights.
Phiri added that Mbirigha is also common among the Ngoni of Mzimba where it is called Nhlazi.
