Take responsibility for your part in the mess

It is almost cliche to hear the broken hearted tell every soul that cares to listen about how hurt they are by the people they once trusted. It is normal to blame others when we are in pain. But let us talk about an unpopular narrative; taking responsibility for our role in the mess.

Many of us sometimes use a failed method in relationships hoping for a different outcome despite history demonstrating otherwise. I will talk about a few situations where we do injustice when discussing such situations.

Child support challenges

Some women get pregnant by a man who cannot provide for her and the child. Once the baby is born, they complain and while the man is indeed to blame for failing to provide, so is the woman for letting herself get knocked down by one without financial muscle. Take responsibility for being careless. Admit your part in the mess. There won’t be a miracle because you have given birth. If he was penniless when you got pregnant, it will be the same after the child is born. This blame game feels good, but in the end, we all must accept our role of letting others mess up our lives.

Money challenges

Many times,  people complain about being duped. This happens in cases of promises of hefty profits on a meagre investment without  adequate knowledge. Many have fallen victims  and lost a lot of money. They later complain bitterly about losing their money. My question is, ‘have you taken the responsibility for being greedy and easily manipulated?’ The loss is on you because you wanted easy money.

Baby mama drama

Mostly when men talk, the topic is about baby mamas giving them drama. Yes, it is indeed true that some baby mamas give men headaches and unreasonable demands in the name of child support. But what we do not want to talk about is the role of them men in creating that drama or inviting it in their lives. These men know the woman they are dating is trouble or has a history of being dramatic. They will still go ahead and date her anyways thinking they are special and will evade her dramatic tendencies. They will even sleep with her without protection and once impregnated, they  blame her for everything. Dude, take responsibility! You went in knowing what sex without protection means.

Sexually transmitted infections

Many times those suffering from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) blame the other partner for ‘deliberately’ infecting them. My question is, ‘Why did you decide to put your life in someone’s hands? ‘Don’t you think you are more responsible for your life and health than anyone else? What made you risk your life over a sexual pleasure lasting minutes?’

Now, last time I checked, sex is between two consenting adults. Sex without protection happens between two consenting and trusting partners. If you know there is no basis for having unprotected sex, why do it? 

It is always easy to complain about being used and abused, but if you take a closer look, most of these situations happen because we allow ourselves into situations too soon without doing our home work. Let us be a little more careful. And most importantly, let us do our home work. Take the responsibility for our role in the situation.