So, this week, I had a lot of fun on my Facebook page discussing rules and regulations of how lovers should behave when they visit their partners. The debate was initiated upon noticing challenges lovers face when they visit or host each other.
One thing I noticed was surprise visits. As lovers, we expect to visit each other every now and then. However, at times, a lover will choose to surprise another at home not because they miss each other and want to spend time together, but to spy.
Some lovers may become paranoid and one way to satisfy their suspicion is through numerous surprise visits. The aim is to catch them unawares in case they have another lover and expose the supposed cheater.
Now, while I respect people’s choices of securing their relationships, I find such tactics to be thieves of joy. I believe a relationship should be enjoyed. If you spend too much time looking for faults and playing detective, you may not even enjoy it or grow as a couple as you are too focused on catching someone red handed. There are a million ways cheaters can be exposed, but actively looking for such can be emotionally draining.
We have people who will spend so much time online, looking for clues as to who else is interacting with their loved one. Such things are not only detrimental to the relationship, they can also lead to serious long term consequences in the behaviour and eventually reputation of the one playing detective. Yes, it is important to take care of oneself and defend what is yours, but going out of one’s way to dig something you are not sure of is going a step too far.
Also, these surprise visits may mean someone is too clingy, that the only way to have full control of their loved one is to visit them as often as possible to make them aware they are being watched. It can be effective, but it can also be the beginning of problems between lovebirds.
Love is supposed to be enjoyed and being so paranoid to the extent of suffocating a loved one with surprise visits can actually make them feel overwhelmed. And with time, they can feel your fault finding schemes. Such kind of behaviour can never be healthy.
I believe if someone is cheating on you or is playing you, Mother Nature will reveal to you in many ways. Sometimes it can just be a hunch. You do not need to stop enjoying life and play detective just so that you can prove something. Nothing stays hidden forever.
