Last Sunday, this publication carried a story with a screaming headline: “DNA Truth Bomb,” accompanied by the sub-headline: “80 per cent of tested Malawian men not biological fathers.”
Now, I am no professor of English, but the context was obvious: the article was specifically discussing men who voluntarily sought out tests—often because they already had doubts about paternity of their children.
As a society, we should be discussing the real, difficult questions: Why are some women lying to men when they know who the real father is? Should DNA testing be mandatory at birth to establish paternity once and for all? How does a person who has raised a child for years process the news that they aren’t the biological father? And what about the mental health of both the children and the dads involved? But no! Instead, Malawians became obsessed with showing off who understood statistics better, launching into pedantic arguments. Others vented intense anger towards my colleague, Andrew Vianno, claiming his article was a “misrepresentation of the true picture.” From where I stand, what I saw was a society in deep denial. Since time immemorial, some mothers have lied and imposed children on men who did not biologically sire them. This is a well-documented reality, and the Nation on Sunday story didn’t tell us anything we didn’t already know deep down. We missed a crucial opportunity to have a constructive conversation to understand why this happens. Instead, we wasted energy on semantics, posturing about how educated we are, and getting outraged over how the story was framed.
I would like to offer a few observations to the discussion—that is, if the topic is still alive (paja aMalawi sitichedwa kuyiwala).
It is a fact that women cheat. It is also a fact that in many marriages, when a couple struggles to conceive, the immense social pressure falls entirely on the woman. In a moment of panic, some women resort to trying their luck elsewhere. If successful, they pass the child off as the husband’s. This is in no way an excuse, but rather an explanation of the underlying pressure.
Then there are women who are simply unfaithful and deceptive. They sleep around, get pregnant, and deliberately target the man who is most financially stable to secure a better future for the child—completely disregarding the child’s right to know their biological roots.
Finally, there are those confused individuals who sleep around, get pregnant, and honestly have no idea who the real father is. They resort to guesswork, and life goes on. There may be other reasons, but these stand out most. At the end of the day, there is zero justification for deception. Lying to a man about fatherhood is diabolical. As a society—and specifically as women—we can do better.
I hope that one day, when we are ready, we can set aside our anger and have a sober, heart-to-heart conversation on this issue.
