There’s a special kind of character in the love industry—the one who wants to be loved, feel loved, enjoy all the perks of love, but without any commitment, title, or responsibility. You know them. They’ll start the relationship, whisper sweet nothings, initiate all the romantic vibes, but somewhere along the line, they’ll begin shifting the goalposts.
These are the folks who refuse to define the relationship. They don’t want to talk about the future, won’t clarify what you mean to them and detest the word ‘label.’ They’d rather ride the wave of emotional intimacy without being tied down by something as ‘inconvenient’ as commitment.
In my observation, when someone avoids defining a relationship, dodges expectations and resists setting boundaries, it’s often because they’re still looking. Yep, still fishing in the sea. But until they find what they think is better, they want a fall back; someone to sleep with, lean on, have in their corner without officially claiming them. They’ll plead for time, ask for patience, swear they’re ‘sorting things out’ with an ex and basically pull out every excuse in the relationship playbook to stall any real decision-making.
We’ve seen it before; two people fooling around for years, sleeping together, building businesses together, being there for each other through thick and thin. But ask what they are to each other and you’ll get that vague; “we’re just vibing” nonsense. Then out of the blue, bam! One of them meets someone new and within weeks, they’re engaged, married, or in a shiny, clearly defined relationship.
So yes, we can and should hold accountable the partner who refuses to commit while enjoying all the benefits. But let’s also turn the mirror around. Why do some people allow themselves to be strung along?
As one of this column’s faithful readers, Julie Jay, put it so well: “I think the most dangerous person is the one who is not self-aware and has low standards. Every person should be able to think through a situation and determine whether it is beneficial or not, and make an informed decision accordingly.”
I couldn’t agree more.
Many people, especially women, stay in these blurry, undefined situationships, lamenting that their partner won’t commit. And yet they say they can’t leave because “the partner refuses to let them go.”
Let’s get one thing straight; if you know what’s good for you, you don’t wait to be released. You free yourself.
I’ve heard the saddest, most frustrating line: “Sakufuna kundikwatira komanso sakufuna kundimasula kuti chibwenzi chithe.”
Translation: “He doesn’t want to marry me, but also doesn’t want to officially end the relationship.”
That’s not love. That’s limbo. And it’s exhausting.
Complaining won’t change anything. Clarity will.
Sometimes we stay because deep down, we’re hoping they’ll change. We convince ourselves that if we just hold on a little longer, love will win and they’ll finally see our worth. love doesn’t need to be begged for and respect isn’t earned through endurance. If someone can’t see your value now, they probably never will. Holding on in silence doesn’t prove loyalty—it just delays your healing. You deserve the kind of love that doesn’t keep you in suspense.
Remember: no one can waste your time, play with your emotions, or damage your reputation without your consent.
Happy Sunday!
