I don’t eat ultimatums for I am above the law

Mapuya: My Lord, I think the civil society organisations (CSOs) have made much a meal out of my ignoring their petition and labelling their nationwide protests a flop. But that is not the reason I have decided to indulge your esteemed tribunal honourable Mbadwa.

It is the CSOs threat to take this matter to court that has compelled me to seek legal assistance through your tribunal.

Perhaps you can explain one or two things to the people who claim to defend the rights of the citizens they claim to own, yet they don’t have the powers they claim to have.

My Lord, I, Mapuya, president of the republic of Nysaland and head of the governing People’s Demagogic Party (PDP), I am government.

It is for this reason that I contend that no CSO has a right to question my authority or manner of governing.

There is nothing like separation of powers in African politics to ensure accountability where the Legislature, the Executive and the Judiciary are just branches of one government.  My Lord, that supposition is only true at a theoretical level because in true life all these branches are subservient to me, Mapuya.

The Legislature dances to my sad tunes every now and then and it is just as toothless as CSOs in as much as it relies on my will to fund its activities.

I appoint judges of the bench, including their Chief and they owe their allegiance to me. Even you, My Lord, were appointed by myself.

Mbadwa: Point of correction! This tribunal does not derive its power or jurisdiction from a national constitution and neither does it owe its existence to some president. I have a right to throw you out of my court.

Mapuya: I apologise, My Lord, and I withdraw that part of my submission. But what I was driving at really is that I was justified to tell off CSOs that I don’t eat threats. They cannot be throwing their ultimatums on somebody who calls the shots.

My Lord, the CSOs do not have sufficient interest to question my administration and even if they bring the matter to court, they have no legal right in what in legal parlance is called locus standi.

Before they even bring their case to your tribunal, I want to pre-empt CSOs’ likely arguments by insisting that they do not have a legal right to be acting on behalf of the citizens of Nyasaland. How can they claim to represent everyone, when their demonstrations were only attended by their girlfriends and the opposition members?

In short, as president, I have a right to look with disdain at CSOs as some opportunists who want to undermine my authority. I cannot allow them to poke their nose into the affairs that do not concern them and get away with it.

My Lord, if CSOs want to fight me, they should make themselves available  as candidates in the forthcoming elections and ndidzawafinyafinya together with Lazaro and Sauli ndi azilongo awo. I rest my case.

Mbadwa: The fact that you have decided to seek the intervention of this court suggests that you are not above the law as you claim. The CSOs have a right to take you to task over the excesses of your rule on behalf of the citizens.

It appears to me that you are acting like a coward who decides to hear no evil, see no evil or speak any of it. If CSOs ask this court to force you to respond to the ultimatums, you will have no choice but to comply otherwise I will have no choice but send you back where you had been hiding for a couple of weeks. n

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