Is your advice lethal?

Dear BMW,

I approach your bench with a concern. Two or so weeks ago, I read a Facebook post disparaging your good image. I will not quote what the person said, but will try to paraphrase what was said about you.

The woman, man or whoever posted it alleges that there is a gentleman in this paper, Nation on Sunday, who has been busy giving marital advice to desperate and helpless people. But what the ‘desperate and helpless’ people do not know is that (the gentleman—I think it is you, BMW) to-date has ‘divorced a staggering seven wives’!

They further warned the readers that you cannot offer ‘accurate, experienced, constructive and fully-baked marital advice’.

She/he further goes on to preach that, good and constructive marital advice comes from someone who has not ‘surrendered the unchartered storms’ associated with marriage. She/he warns: ‘Be careful with the source of your marital advice, it may build or destroy your beloved marriage’.

Prophet, these are serious defamatory statements which you can sue for millions of kwacha. Is what the woman/man is spreading on social media true?

Can you defend yourself please?

Ardent reader

Dear Reader,

Thank you very much for coming to me about this Facebooker who went to town about me.

I am not, to say the least, worried about the libelous thoughts in that outrageous post. I have better things to do than waste the venerate judges’ time over what a follower of this page thinks about my very self.

In fact, I am very very happy that they chose to raise this issue on Facebook, instead of writing personally since he has freely advertised my counselling expertise to those who did not know about my existence. It is all fine with me.

Besides, his writing is clear evidence that he follows this slot religiously. I have no doubts like you and many others, he is reading this.

As for his allegation that I have divorced seven wives, I will tell you he is lying. In fact, I have shared a warm matrimonial bed with eight women. I need not mention the concubines. I am also a blesser for a few girls aged above 18.

That, for me, is the best experience I can claim to give better advice on marriage. I will tell you what, the Songs of Solomon is one of my most favourite book in the Bible. It is laden with great, romantic lines. Guess who wrote the book: It was a man who had so many wives and concubines that if he were to sleep with one of his women each day, it would take him about three and half years to complete the cycle!

You heard me right. Imagine King Solomon going back to the first woman in the cycle, the baby he gave her would have attained three and half solid years!

Experience, the sages say, is the best teacher. I am proud to have experienced life with eight different wives: the slender and the not-so-slender. I have seen it all: How to handle the talkative ones and how to make the gloomy ones smile.

Without bragging, mine is the best of advice you can ever get. Even the greatest naysayer follows it. Forsake it at your own peril. It is nothing lethal at all!

As for my erstwhile hater, please remember opinions are like noses, only that some are bigger than others. The bigger the nose, the more air you inhale.

My good friend, please do write again. Osawotcha bulangete!

Big Man Wamkulu

NOTE: You can now send your problems to BMW via WhatsApp number: +265 998-110-975. No calls please!

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