When our siblings introduce their significant other, the assumption is the relationship between them will last forever. But as life happens, sometimes these unions end, leaving its effects on many other people, including in-laws.
We tend to naturally create our own bonds, each other mulamu, mumu, mulamuwache among others.
It goes to extents where outsiders appreciate the strong bonds between the two sides.
But what happens when the marriage or relationship ends? It unfortunately does not automatically switch off the bond between that partner and the siblings. Human beings are complex and they tend to refuse to accept the situation. At the same time, some siblings, once they relationship ends, expect the whole family to all of a sudden forget the former partner, disregard them and maybe join in on the hate train.
But it is not that easy. For me, I think the real complication comes in when the sibling has moved on and has found a new partner. For the other family members to continue bonding with their former in-law, visit and celebrate each other with posts on social media brings in a complication.
So, what do we do when we find ourselves in such situations?
I think it is all a matter of being sensitive and not use it to hurt someone or use them. I have seen former in-laws continuing with their bond and publicly celebrating each other even after their sibling moves on to marry someone else. In my opinion, this is not just a matter of a strong bond, but trying to hurt the new partner. Usually if the family has not accepted the new partner, they will use their bond with the previous partner to hurt the new partner and bring insecurity. It is nonsensical and unnecessary.
People can like and care for each other while being sensitive about the situation.
For the former in-law who continues to cling on to alamu even after the relationship or marriage ends, look out for herself in terms of future prospective partners. How will they feel if all they see is you still so close to your former in-laws? It speaks of unfinished business. You can be in good terms with them without rubbing it in people’s faces every day!
Where children are involved, that is a different matter altogether. For their sake, there is supposed to be a relationship so that the children know their relatives from both their parents.
Otherwise, chilamu chimatha when a relationship ends. After that, it is just a friendship and the bond remaining can continue to flourish while respecting the new relationships.
