Miss independent and marriage

In the modern world, women are getting more successful, accomplished and self-sufficient.

However, the reality is that some men still shy away from accomplished women, forcing some women in turn to hide that they can afford the finer things in life.

The pattern of relationships and marriages in society has for a long time shown men to be more successful with women and children being dependent on them.

Robert Mkandawire, a professional accountant and relationship counsellor, says it is wrong to shun independent women with no room for it in a progressive society.

He observes that the model of relationships should be built on partnership rather than the ‘boss to subordinate’.

“An individual should have ambitions and be allowed to pursue them in so long it is to add value to the relationship.

“The pursuit of individual goals aligned to mutually agreeable future state of a relationship adds social and economic stability. Pulling together resources, skills and time should make a partnership better,” he argues.

He notes, however, that the challenge is with men raised in a traditional family as they do not regard a relationship as a partnership.

“This is made worse by the natural survival instinct of a man to dominate [ego]. An educated and financially independent woman becomes a threat to his dominion.

“Most of the conservative men would rather marry someone who is socially and academically lower to maintain the status quo. As such, any attempt by the woman to upgrade meets resistance,” he points out.

Mkandawire further argues that a modern man who understands the value of partnership would never discourage girls from pursuing their dreams nor would he get intimidated by their achievements.

Nonetheless, he cautions that independent women should learn how to make the men feel unthreatened.

Tendai Katsonga-Munemo believes that this practice does not occur in a vacuum.

“It operates with its roots running deep and entrenched in our patriarchal culture which privileges men over women. It comes on the backdrop of men being providers and as such, they should have the upper hand in earning and making decisions.

“The reality is that this is meant to protect men’s egos. However, things are changing and now more than ever, women are reshaping the world by getting high earning jobs and furthering their education,” she explains.

All things considered, society needs to realise that women too, desire to be successful, get ahead in life and at the same time find true love and build happy homes.

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