I am 34 and I am not getting any younger, yet my boyfriend of 10 years acts as if we are still in our teens. I met him in college. At the time, he had another girlfriend. I played my cards right and won his heart and it has been bliss ever since. He loves me dearly and has never cheated on me. However, days have turned into years and all my college mates have married. They are raising their kids, building their family homes and running businesses. When some come to visit me in Blantyre, I feel embarrassed as I am still living in a bedsitter, all alone.
My man behaves like a child. Since graduating, he has never been in a stable job. He believes he is a musician who will make it big in life one day. So, I have been supporting him for the most part of his life after college. He has no house [he lives with boys in Soche], has no car and no savings or a pension to look forward to when he gets old. I have reasoned with him to find a job or start a business, but all he cares about is music. I am fed up with him and I want to move on. At least he should have proposed to me, but he seems so occupied with ‘cooking up music’ with the boys. What should I do?
BBM, via WhatApp, Blantyre Soche
Perhaps lady, you are the one in a rush, getting yourself ahead of things. Relax, enjoy being loved. Love is a process.
Maybe you’ve been committing yourself to a man who is not even keen on marrying. That’s why it’s important to find out someone’s view of marriage before dating.
Perhaps, you lady are too extravagant. You want a big wedding, a big house, high lifestyle which currently may be beyond the capacity of you and your man. This might put him off. He wants to please you, but you are too hard to please.
Perhaps another woman is causing him to doubt if you are the one. He is looking at you and asking if you are truly the one. Are you sure he is focused on only you?
Also remember, we live in a world where people are skeptical about marriage. So many marriages are breaking up; there are high divorce rates, unhappy marriages. Perhaps, he saw someone’s marriage breaking. Perhaps, he loves you but is finding marriage too big a risk.
Perhaps, your family is hostile towards him, they don’t approve of him and he feels their negativity. If this is the case, he will need you to show him you love him despite the negative vibe. He needs an ally in you.
If a man hangs around unmarried men (boys), and he succumbs to peer pressure, he will find it hard to change his status by taking the relationship to the next level. He finds comfort in his boys and maintains the status quo.
Marriage is a wonderful dream to have (don’t be fooled, it is), but he could be asking himself hard questions, such as “Where will we stay?”, “Will we struggle?”, “What about the cost of the wedding?” especially if he doesn’t have much money.
Some men think marriage is a prison. The thought of committing to one woman to them seems boring. A man with this dark view about marriage is dangerous for you, he is the type who will resent you and maybe cheat on you because you are spoiling his fun.
So, I humbly ask you to look yourself in the mirror and see if you really deserve to waste yet another 10 years with this man. If I were you, I would move houses, change mobile phone numbers and never see the fool again. Ndi time-waster ameneyo.
Big Man Wamkulu
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