When a 30-year-old mechanic died from an overdose of sex pills in a lodge at Lumbadzi, almost 20 kilometres north of Lilongwe, some mourned “one man down” while others quipped that he had died of sweetness.
But every death is someone’s funeral, a tear-provoking call to honest conversations about the heartaches that prematurely strike down men dying to impress with no one watching.
“Men are not dying from sex enhancement pills, but preventable conditions that could be treated if gentlemen were eager to get medical check-ups,” says sexual health expert Moses Chipembo Soko from Zomba Central Hospital (ZCH).
He was speaking during the Prestige Events’ first Men’s Conference on Friday night at Apollo Auditorium in Blantyre.
Soko, who scans men’s sexual and reproductive organs for possible complications, is concerned that men keep dying in bed as they resort to over-the-counter pills, toxic herbs, alcohol and other dangerous drugs instead of seeking medical help.
Last month, police reported that 42 men had died from chilling effects of drugs that some take to boost sex performance and confidence behind closed doors.
The police tallies also show that men account for at least four in every five suicides in Malawi.
Experts described the toll as a silent crisis fuelled by sex-related heartbreaks, financial hardship and substance abuse, among others.
Confronting the fears that men secretly zip up in their pants, Soko said: “Sex doesn’t kill—it’s undiagnosed underlying medical cardiovascular [heart] conditions that kill our brothers who take unprescribed drugs to boost their performance and confidence in bed.
“Fellow men, let’s plant the spirit of health-seeking behaviour. Make check-ups a habit and you won’t have to try too hard to impress in bed.
“The good news is that erectile dysfunction is reversible mostly if you follow simple rules, such as doing physical exercises, limiting liquor, avoiding smoking and insisting on a healthy diet.”
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Soko said most men under pressure to dazzle their sexual partners die without knowing the status of their sexuality as they feign being too busy to seek medical assistance.
He warned that low awareness delays detection and treatment of sex-related shortfalls, stirring stormy insecurities that trigger deadly drug use, low confidence, substance abuse, gender-based violence and suicidal thoughts.
The modern-day Moses from Zomba, like his biblical namesake who descended Mount Sinai carrying stone tablets inscribed with 10 commandments, handed down 10 takeaways for a stress-free sexual life.
The dos and don’ts of men’s health include: Thou shalt train for strength, eat whole foods, prioritise sleep, drink a lot of water, limit alcohol and not smoke.
Other rules require every man to manage stress at all cost, get screened regularly, protect his skin and not make any excuse for failing to lead a healthy life.
Soko explained: “Human organs coordinate seamlessly, ensuring blood vessels relax and contract accordingly and blood pressure is regulated appropriately.
“Stress, drugs and lack of sleep alters the normal function, causing complications such as erectile dysfunction, high blood pressure, cardiac failure that can be devastating in a man’s life.”
Dr Duncane Goche, who examines and treats the human urinary system at ZCH, weighed in with insights into prostate enlargement and cancer, which wrecks a man’s sexual and reproductive system.
He stated that the prostate gland grows throughout a man’s life, but expands drastically in the late 40s when it blocks the release of urine and sperms from the body.
The head of urology at ZCH said: “As the prostate size increases, the urinary passage gets narrow; hence, the need to use a catheter or to undergo a surgery to remove the gland.
“The condition may progress into cancer. This compromises how kidneys excreting waste products from blood. Even the sexual life and self-esteem of a man suffer. However, early detection of the condition via screening will improve the quality of life.”
He said the breakdown in sexual activity pushes some men to the brink, fanning suicides which have claimed about 3 000 lives since 2022—a mental crisis that clinical psychologist Chiwoza Bandawe terms underreported and neglected.
In his keynote address, Professor Bandawe, from Kamuzu University of Health Sciences, likened men to trees standing in the eye of a storm.
He said: “We cannot stop the storms of life, but we can deepen our roots and prepare for it and be flexible because strong trees can snap. When stress hits, you may bend, but you will not break.
“So, stress is not the enemy—being unprepared is. Mental wellness is not about living without storms, but about learning how to carry an umbrella.”
High Court Judge Allan Muhome kicked off the rare men’s night with a pinpoint talk on how simple legal steps like writing a will and understanding divorce laws could help one face the truth about his health, relationships and legacy.
The heart-to-heart conference, branded The Man in the Mirror, was sponsored by Sky Energy Africa, Old Mutual, National Bank of Malawi and Medical Aid Society of Malawi.
