Ordinarily, a date is an opportunity for two people to get to know each other. They meet for a meal, drinks, or a movie to talk and share basic information—marital status, children, siblings, parents, education. It’s part of the learning process that helps determine whether a second date makes sense, or whether the two should give a relationship a chance. In my view, it’s not the start of a relationship.
I wanted to make that clear before explaining what prompted this piece.
Society expects men to court women, so men usually extend the invitation. But I’ve heard of women who invite men out expecting them to foot the entire bill. I have also heard about women who invite others such as friends or relations on the date, expecting the man to foot their bills. Out of courtesy, some men grudgingly pay, then complain about it later. Others slip away to the bathroom when “gate crashers” arrive and order expensive ciders and meals they barely touch.
Some women bring babies or children on a first date so the man can feed them too. Their reasoning is that if he wants to get to know her, he might as well get to know her “baggage.” Others order enough food for a group and pack the leftovers to take home. Some even demand that children be included in the budget, arguing that time spent on the date is time they couldn’t spend cooking at home.
Ladies, please don’t stoop that low. Don’t bring your personal problems to a date. I’ve heard of women who expect the man to pay for their hair and nails, claiming they did it to “look good for him.” Respect a date for what it’s meant to be, not what it’s becoming. It’s not a free meal ticket, a chance to gold dig, or a way to take people for fools. If you’re not interested in the man, tell him directly instead of stringing him along for the perks.
And what’s the role of a third wheeler? Why invite a friend on your date and what kind of friend tags along without a shred of conscience or shame? Many women have regretted bringing friends along after those same friends went behind their backs and pursued the man. Yes, some third wheelers end up trying to turn your date into their own future husbands.
Being asked out isn’t an entitlement to invite the whole village or order half the menu. It doesn’t come with a package that covers your look at the expense of the person paying for food and drinks. Why not surprise the man by offering to split the bill, or even cover it yourself?
Kungokhala azimayi opemphetsa basi?
