This week I had a profound and raw discussion on my social media pages about how some relatives ill-treat partners of their relation. Whether they do not like how the partner looks, or where they come from, their economic and social standing, the education level or religious beliefs, this practice is common in our society.
From personal testimonies I got, it is rampant for parents, siblings and other extended family members to look at themselves as superior to a partner coming to marry into their family. They tend to feel like the jury and judges to put the partner on trial to see if they are fit to marry their kin.
Well, almost all of us will or already went into another family to marry and must have met some sort of resistance or made to feel like you are auditioning for a role above your grade.
Many of us have attempted to love and be loved. In the process, we have had to deal with the partner’s family. Some treated us well, some did not. They treated us horribly, looked down on us and were outright cruel. Some even played a role in the ending of our relationship or marriage. Such is life.
From the personal stories shared on my social media page, it is clear many of us are walking with traumas from past hurts and treatments from our in laws.
I have also noticed that when ‘auditioning’ for marriage, or being introduced to a family we want to marry into, men and women are treated differently. Women are scrutinised and looked down upon more than men. Men will arrive to their prospective in laws house, welcomed with respect and served meals and the family will make sure to impress him. For the woman, it is a different story. She is judged from how she is dressed, how she speaks, how she cooks and even how her voice sounds. It is like she has gone to her prospective in laws family to be dissected and judged critically. It is like the man is placed on a pedestal while the woman has to prove she is worthy to be married into that family.
I am not saying the family has no right to check the person who wants to marry their child, but I feel kindness should be a must. Let us be kind to each other. Treat others the way you would want to be treated. The fact that someone wants to marry into your family is not a license for you to ill treat them. They also come from a family that love them. They are not desperate.
And to everyone who faces ill-treatment from the families they are married into; always remember that no one is superior to you just because you married their brother or sister. They are humans just like you. So, do not put them on a pedestal. Respect them the same way they respect you. If they continuously disrespect you keep your distance and take care of your mental healthy. There is no joy in breaking your back trying to impress a group of people who are already committed to disrespecting you.
