Wifey looks like a ghost at home

Dear BMW,

I have a very strange issue. It is trivial to my wife but to me, it’s huge and I’m pissed off.

We are both marketers and have been working in reputable firms. She earns a lot of money, so do I. She is not frugal and spends a lot on her clothes. She has visited every bend-down boutique in town and every online thrift vendor knows her name.

She dresses to kill every morning when she leaves for work and every family event is an opportunity for her to buy new clothes and shoes. As I write, our bedroom and storeroom is full of her clothes!

However, every morning she mourns that she has nothing to wear. It’s even worse when she is home.   I always find her in shabby clothes sitting on the couch looking like a ghost. Sometimes I come home and I find her in my old torn Manchester United  shirt and soiled pants. Ali mbuu kutuwa, olo kusamba ayi!

And when I ask why she is putting on T-shirts that are so torn and worn out? She claims she has no clothes to wear at home. I know we don’t have to give flowers and impress each other anymore, but dressing up and looking good goes a long way in showing that you care for your partner.

My problem is that this is a sensitive topic and she would associate it with a lack of love on my side. I just can’t figure out a way to communicate it without sounding like I am telling her that she looks ugly at home.

Should I leave her, help please.

Mr Ghost, via WhatsApp, Blantyre

Dear Mr. G,

Once you marry her, this other gender quickly pretends that we were originally drawn to personality. Every man knows that a nice bottom helps to brighten the day.

Every man will tell you that they saw something in their women and that’s why they married her. Be it she had white teeth, a pear shaped body or carried a bust to die for.  I for one, still recall the day we met, they were poking through her blouse in a most arresting fashion.

So why would she want to withdraw all the things that drew me to her in the first place?

Ladies, maybe you are in the best place to respond to this question. But additionally, why, upon getting a modicum of security in your relationship, do you want to turn into the beast, knowing full well he married beauty? More crucially, why are you saving the best of yourself for strangers?

My advice to you ladies is simple. If you want to go all-natural, do it at home and at work. If your husband gets to enjoy your pimples, don’t deny your colleagues the honour.

Had it been in the old days, on the matter that you ask me on what you can do to get on the right track, I could have told you that every time you are in the living room from the office, get your phone out and start looking at pictures of gorgeous ladies at home relaxing, fully groomed.

I could have told you to make her know that looking good at home is even far better than looking smart on the street. Make sure she notes your obsession for smartness at home.

Otherwise, radically, you can also deny her the conjugal rights for a night or two. The third night, you can tell her you will have it after a horny shower.

Muuzeni azisamba.

Big Man Wamkulu