This week, on my official social media page, we continued talking about cheating, specifically for those cheated. Many candid talkers followed and contributed to the discussion and it was obvious many of us have ever been cheated on. It is also obvious that some of us have cheated while others have cheated with a cheater without knowing that they were the side chick or side dude. What a mess!
So, my take away message from the discussions was that often times when one party is cheating, it is not always obvious that they are cheating. But, there are always small, subtle signs that many of us choose to ignore for whatever reasons.
In the dating world they are called red flags. A red flag does not just appear out of the blue. They appear because they tell that something is not right with the relationship.
A person being too strict with their phone all of a sudden is a sign that something about them has changed. A person having long, unexplained absences is a sign they are spending time with someone, or somewhere where they do not want their loved one to know.
A person having money problems when they actually make good money is a sign their resources are being sent somewhere they cannot explain.
A loved one having frequent situations when their phone is off is a sign that something is amiss.
A loved one who will not allow you to visit them is a sign something is not right.
A loved one who will not even introduce you to their friends and family after you have dated for some time is a sign they might have already introduced someone else.
A loved one who has too many friends of the opposite sex, especially when they have one particular one who they are too close with, is a red flag. I am talking about a friend that makes the real partner uncomfortable. That is a clear red flag.
The list of red flags is long.
Now, spotting a red flag is easy. We all were born with intuition and this tells us all we need to know. But the real struggle comes in after we have spotted the red flag. What do we do? For many it is not easy to give up based on intuition. Many choose to investigate, to fight and try to be better and do better in the hopes that they will keep the relationship.
But no matter how one fights, ignores red flags and be the best partner one can be, a red flag only gets brighter with time. And their consequences get real and by the time one decides enough is enough, time and resources have been lost and emotions have been invested in a wrong relationship.
My take is to never ignore a red flag. Always trust your instinct and act as early as possible to avoid wasting time with the wrong partner. Most of us who were once cheated on know we saw some red flags and ignored them.
And to us, who were weak and cheated, let us do better. Let us be real and make choices we can carry without a full chest and be ready to face the consequences. If we are not happy in a relationship, let us leave
