BMW,
I know the success of the Scorchers has brought a lot of excitement to the country, and, I suspect, to some families’ bedrooms (though certainly not mine). But there is one worrying thing, Biggie. My husband’s celebration of the Malawi Women’s Football Team at Wafcon went a bit too far.
On match days, I could forgive him for coming home late. But then came the startling discovery: a pair of ladies’ plus-size knickers under the passenger seat of his car when I went looking for loose change for bread. It has made me realise those Scorchers wins were being celebrated with an unwelcome visitor. When I confronted him, he angrily denied knowing anything about it.
I am ready to pack my bags and leave because clearly those late-night “matches” meant something else. What should I do, Biggie?
Heartbroken Maureen, Zolozolo
Dear heartbroken fan,
First of all, let us give credit where it is due: the Scorchers have been burning up the pitch and making the nation proud. But your husband? He is playing a completely different game, and frankly, he’s been caught red-handed offside.
To use national football celebrations as a cover for late-night extra-curricular activities is already cheap. But to leave oversize evidence under the car seat and then blame it on “the spirit of football” is an insult to both you and the Scorchers! Knickers do not just materialise in a vehicle because Malawi scored a goal. Unless the Ministry of Sports has started throwing underwear out of parade floats, that passenger seat hosted an unofficial post-match party.
His angry denial is a classic defensive tactic. When a man is caught without a leg to stand on, he raises his voice to cover the silence of his guilt.
Before you pack your bags and hand him an easy walkover victory, take a deep breath and consider your next move strategically:
His rage is meant to intimidate you into dropping the subject. Hold your ground calmly. Tell him that a magic pair of underwear doesn’t appear in a car out of thin air, and you deserve the truth, not a performance.
But you don’t necessarily have to pack your bags this very minute in a panic, but you must make it clear that your home is not a dumping ground for disrespect. If he refuses to come clean, seek marriage counselling or involve trusted elders/family who can mediate with authority. Or threaten him that you will get your revenge when the Flames will finally start winning. If he continues to play dirty, it might be time to issue him a permanent red card.
Stay strong,
BMW
