For the past week, I engaged friends and followers on my page to try and understand the paradox of cheating. We have seen an increasing number of both men and women cheating while appearing happily married to partners of their choice.
So, why is this so? This is the question I posed on social media and the reactions were honest, brutal and at times outright shocking.
Men’s version:
In their responses, men said they cheat because they are denied intimacy at home. They claimed wives give excuses from Monday through Sunday, ranging from headaches, tiredness and being busy.
Some claimed they cheat because the sex life at home becomes monotonous and are looking for excitement outside.
Others claimed they cheat because they are not respected at home. They said wives, after staying married for some time, become so comfortable they no longer bother to respect the man at home. They reminded me that a man’s greatest need is respect.
Finally, a few men accused wives of not taking care of themselves. They said wives become comfortable in their marriages that they stop putting in some effort in their looks. So, the men claimed this is enough reason to look for affection elsewhere.
Women’s version:
Women on the other side had their own confessions to make. They are cheating because just like some men, they are frustrated due to various factors.
The factors include being neglected emotionally. Men sometimes become engrossed with working and making money they end up not paying attention to their emotional needs. You see men who provide and make sure their families are well taken care of materially, but are never emotionally present for their spouses. That creates a vacuum which some women choose to fill through cheating.
Them we have some women who have suffered physical abuse at the hands of their spouses. They become traumatised and being intimate with the same person who hurt them is difficult.
Then we have other women who are not satisfied in bed. It is clear men have huge egos and being told what to do in the bedroom bruises their egos. Therefore, they stick to doing the same boring stuff that put their women off. Some of the women who cheat blatantly confessed they cheat because they are simply looking for good and satisfying bedroom experience.
However, at the end of the day, I am still of the view that cheating is not and has never been the answer to marital challenges. When a person in a committed relationship resorts to cheating, they create even bigger problems. I suggest that couples should be open and communicate better when they encounter problems and in the case of an impasse, maybe divorcing is better.
Also, our religious leaders should be effective in their handling of marital problems than just concentrating on preventing divorce. Deal with the root causes of marital problems before reminding them on the fact that God hates divorce.
