Family

Dealing with infertility in marriage

Infertility has put many marriages on the rocks
Infertility has put many marriages on the rocks

One of the biggest stumbling blocks between a husband and wife is finding ways to communicate feelings and expectations.

Marriage experts argue that infertility is one of the most gut-wrenching and emotionally draining experiences known to mankind.

They say finding ways to deal with it while maintaining a happy marriage can be a daunting task.

In some cultures, when it has been established that the woman has a problem, the man is advised to find another wife. Reason: grand-children are important. But what happens if the man has the problem?

After staying for 10 years without having a child, 36- year-old Chrissie Lavita, who has since adopted a child, decided to seek the help of a herbalist to help save her marriage that was now on the rocks.

“My husband was being pressured into finding another wife. Since I knew how the neighbourhood would react, I consulted a witch-doctor who gave me some concoction that did not work.

“Of course, I visited the hospital and they told me I had issues in the womb and so I could not conceive. But I was fighting my own demon; that is why I went to the witch-doctor,” she said.

Marriage expert Patrick Semphere said couples need to learn to communicate before they can share the problem with their uncles or aunts.

“Find out whose problem it is. It is better to have a medical check-up as a couple, and when a problem has been detected, the couple needs to sit down and discuss  the matter. Avoid involving outsiders from the onset as these can influence decisions,” said Semphere.

According to Semphere, it is important for couples to communicate often because infertility is not the end of the world, but a beginning to a new life.

“Communication helps couples explore other options like adoption. It also helps the two to bond,” he said.

Marriage counsellor Martha Banda believes husbands like to push the blame on women when it could be them who have the problem.

“I have seen people fighting over these issues but what needs to be done is to go for a medical check-up. If the problem is with the wife, the husband needs to support her and not take the easy way out.

“With all the options available, it is old-fashioned to run away or look for another wife,” she said.

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