Loud screams of a woman crying late in the night alerted me and the boys to her beating by her partner. Initially, we opted to mind our own business, but with the screams getting louder and distressing, we decided to intervene, so did another neighbour. We were in time to see the man, carrying a pipe in one hand, appear at one of the outlets as the woman clung to her babysitter for protection and consolation. He was angry and particularly detested a blockade by my son, supposedly challenging him by standing in-between himself and the woman. He accused the boy of threatening him in his own house and asked what his business was in the domestic hullabaloo . My son did not relent and kept his stance until the woman left the house. Days later, the two have reconciled and going on about business as usual. We are looking foolish and the man is not hiding his animosity and resentment for our intervention. How far should the public intervene with gender-based violence (GBV)?
Law enforcers sometimes are reluctant to intervene in lovers’ quarrels on the understanding that some domestic disputes are best resolved by the duo. They base such decisions on experiences of one party deciding to withdraw a case midway on grounds that ndi amuna anga kapena akazi anga, chonde atulutseni (he or she is my spouse, please release them). Some women will even complain about economic hardships once a bread winner is arrested, claiming the abuse is a lesser evil than having to fend for herself and the children.
Our intervention has created enmity. The maid took the time to thank us for heeding her boss’s cries, averting a scenario where she might have been hurt more had we ignored the cries. The woman never bothered, but I don’t blame her because she never asked for our help. Meanwhile, the man’s bitterness is evident after returning to the house. The next time they decide to settle scores through punches, pipes or whips, we will remain behind closed doors. Apparently, this was not an isolated incident.
Would the public be blamed for ignoring lovers’ quarrels? And if beatings are the order of the day, must we keep the rescue game indefinitely? The habit of community living and humanity is definitely landing some people in trouble. I always heard about repercussions of intervening in family affairs, but I had not experienced it.
If the abused does little to help themselves, outsiders will be limited. Take the first step of loving yourself first before allowing this pattern to take root; he love bombs you and is later too jealous of your interactions to the extent of whipping you like a child in full view of the public. Thereafter, he return with short-lived ‘affection’ and you decide you cannot take it anymore only for the cycle to repeat itself. Do something and stop this primitive living.
