‘I’m Nasty’ label not worth applying

Dear judge Mbadwa,

My lord, I don’t know much about the law of ‘I am Nasty, which the Turbocharged Nkhakamira Nyarenda wants to start applying to forgive some people who have become nasty by virtue of being self-evident corrupt kings, government certified fraudsters and cashgaters.

In the wisdom of Nkhakamira Nyarenda, it would be costly to litigate all the cases of these nasty people, but the government could save and recover billions of kwacha through the return of the looted property from these mean people.

The Turbocharged guy, my Lord, thinks he could use these forgiven nasty people to pin down another group of Disgusting Folks the State has overwhelming evidence against.

Perhaps his thinking is that the Disgusting Folks are too filthy to be sanitised through the ‘I’m Nasty’ label he wants to use to categorise such suspects of crime.

Conversely, my lord, nasty person cannot be made clean by the hand-washing facility alone or sanitiser placed at the entrance of the Attorney General’s office.

As there is a very thin line between nasty and disgusting, nasty people need to undergo a thorough rigorous judicial bath that only a competent court of law or tribunal like yours can administer.

I was, therefore, intrigued at how he stammered his way through explanations at a press briefing to justify how he conceived the ‘I’m Nasty’ concept by applying Common Sense law.

This is where I have a problem, my lord, is Common Sense law admissible in your tribunal? If it were the case, then we would flood your courts with cases that could be tried using this senseless law.

Surely his approval ratings have crumbled like a pack of cards on the account of this ‘I’m Nasty’ label he wants to use to forgive those who abused their power to steal from the Nyasaland government.

Maybe Nkhakamira Nyarenda is overstretching himself in a quest to maintain a reputation he carved as a no-nonsense litigator after assuming office.

You also get an impression that some dark political powers, we can only imagine, are forcing their hand on this issue, yet the expectations of the citizens are that Nkhakamira Nyarenda will be his own man.

My lord, can you on our behalf ask our learned colleague to abandon the ‘I’m Nasty’ madness to recoup his lost glory?

Finally, my lord let me take this opportunity to congratulate Justice Raising Grave-citizens on becoming the Paramount Justice at the Nyasaland Judiciary. Looking forward to a time when cases that were buried by unnecessary delays will be resurrected.

Looking forward to working with you,

Regards,

John Citizen.

With Emmanuel Luciano

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