Dear Judge Mbadwa,
You sometimes wake up, My Lord, to terrifying morning headlines that trigger instant heart palpitations at a time when a patriotic citizen is expected to exhibit nothing, but unyielding hope. But then, you take a deep breath and remember the comforting truth: we are living in the golden age of fake news.
What malicious fiction has prompted my letter to the bench today, My Lord? It is the preposterous revelation circulating in the media that our national budget is in complete disarray just a mere three months into its implementation! This is a patent fabrication, undoubtedly cooked up by unpatriotic elements bent on tarnishing the stellar economic reputation of the People’s Demagogic Party (PDP).
Oh, come on, My Lord! We are only 90 days into a fiscal budget that was presented with such theatrical pomp and national pride. Lest we forget, our brilliant Minister of Finance, the Honourable Mazula Zimvekhebwanji, used that very podium to make a complete mockery of the Cockerel’s past handling of our national purse. The Cockerel group was rightly labelled a clueless and featherless bunch that ran our economy into the dust. How could a budget designed by our economic messiahs fail so quickly?
My Lord, the PDP government projected a glorious 4.1 percent GDP growth rate, to be financed by a highly necessary, albeit slightly painful, cocktail of new taxes and levies. Specifically, the government’s brilliant justification for increasing Value Added Tax (VAT) was that “temporary pain is a necessary evil to spur long-term prosperity.”
Yet, some certified doom-mongers are busy peddling toxic disinformation, whispering to anyone who will listen that “the very legs on which the 2026/27 budget stands have become weak, shaky, and arthritic.”
Why do I insist this is fake news, My Lord? Because three months is far too short a time for the lofty foundations of a proven leadership-driven economy to start crumbling!
Besides, My Lord, look at the physical evidence of our prosperity. Has maize not been ridiculously cheap? Has our fuel supply, even if priced like liquid gold, not stabilised? Why should we care if local importers are currently facing the full wrath of a runaway economy? Why should we cry over disposable income being systematically devoured by inflation?
Let us be honest, My Lord: things such as ufa, school tuition, basic groceries, farming fertiliser and medical drugs are overrated luxuries anyway. A true patriot does not need affordable bread when they have the spiritual satisfaction of a stable political manifesto.
The detractors of this government are sounding the death knell far too early. The economy is in absolute, pristine shape. And as for the breaking news that major international donors have frozen their financial support, please, My Lord, do not be deceived. Those donors did not pull out because of corruption or fiscal misalignment; they stepped aside because they trust the current PDP leadership so deeply that they decided we are mature enough to run our economy without their patronising foreign exchange. It is an act of supreme international confidence!
My Lord, let the public stop spreading lies about a foreign exchange shortage. We have dollars in such staggering abundance that we don’t even know where to store them. Very soon, the government will miraculously lower the cost of importing fuel and other goods to accelerate price drops across the country. And by the way, we haven’t even started spending the mountainous piles of cash we realised from selling our national gold reserves!
Stop spreading malicious gossip against the Nyasaland government, My Lord. We are in exceptionally safe and invisible hands.
I rest my case.
Regards,
John Citizen.
