Today, we will say what most Malawi don’t like. Who cares? Payere Payere.
First, the Ngoni were patrilineal and believed in a centralised form of administration, says Parsons. They paid dowry to the family of the wife. This tradition has been adopted, adapted, naturalised and is still being practised but in different forms.
For instance, among the Ngonde, Lambya, Tonga, Ngoni, Sena and Tumbuka, the suitor pays dowry malobolo, a gift of appreciation or gratitude in the form of cattle (or the monetary equivalent) to the parents of the woman he wants to marry. The wife goes to live with the husband’s family and she is considered part of the husband’s family.
Among the matrilineal Chewa, dowry is paid by the prospective husband to the woman’s family and it is called chiongo (thanks). Among the matrilineal Lomwe, Yao, and Mang’anja the prospective husband does not pay anything. However, he leaves his home to live with his wife’s family. There, he is given land to farm and is expected to build a home and give bride service. All these belong to the wife and the husband is considered as part of the wife’s extended family.
In short, malobolo or chiongo are both a form of bride price, a chiongo, a service, a gift of appreciation to the family of the prospective wife. In both cases the man is the victim. He has to pay to get married. The wife is not bought but the parents of the wife are thanked. Perhaps, time will come when the prospective wife will be paying the parents a form of chiongo, malobolo or dowry. It is happening in India and Bangladesh and Malawi.
So, if you married in Malawi and as a man you must have paid in form of a chiongo service or malobolo. However, the distinction is the inheritance by the children. Where the chiongo service paid, the children can only inherit what belongs to their mothers. The husband things about his nephews and nieces. The form his mbumba. This what Dr Kamuzu Banda had in mind when he talked about all the women of Malawi as his mbumba. He was their big brother, politically. No bad intension intended.
He protected them each one, no dressed them, and danced with them. Any man who harassed them was in trouble. He was Nkhoswe Number 1. You were nkhoswe to your mbumba. But you were inferior to Nkhoswe Number 1.
Where malobolo price paid like the Tumbukaland you inherited that which belonged to father. And upon marriage, she was part of the husband’s family; even after death of husband. Younger would be inherited to protect the children. Older widows, were left to live in the village.
The only tribe that we know that is different the Tonga who do malobolo but practice mwana ndi mwanangwa, where the child can inherit that which belongs his father and mother. And a widow can decide to stay or leave the husband’s village.
In short, whether chiongo or malobolo is paid, the man is the sufferer, the buyer, and the woman is the bought. The goods. Payere payere, that is the fact.
