Dear BMW,
My wife recently surprised me with a unique, if not absurd, request. She says she knows I cheat (which I do) and lie to her about where I am and whom I am with most of the time. She would rather she knew with whom and where I am than to be tormented about my whereabouts. So, she has asked me to get a second wife.
Is this not a trap that she wants to know if I cheat on her?
CC, Bangwe
Dear CC
My brother, that’s not a request — that’s an ambush dressed in a wrapper of diplomacy. In Malawi, when your wife tells you to get a second wife, just know she’s already sharpening her tongue like a butcher’s knife. She’s not giving you permission; she’s laying evidence for the prosecution. Today it’s “bring her home”, tomorrow it’s “get out of my house with your new madam”.
Take it from us: this is not polygamy, it’s suicide-by-permission.
Ah, my guy, don’t fall for that trick.
You think you’re upgrading to polygamy, but in reality you’re just signing up for a lifetime subscription to double school fees, double groceries and double “ndalama za ku salon”. Before you know it, you’ll be selling airtime at the bus depot just to keep up.
Better repent, my brother. One wife is already a full-time economy, two is IMF bailout territory.
Don’t say you weren’t warned!
Ndanena, ndanena!
BMW
