Time hardly goes by without hearing of someone in need of help because they have delivered twins or triplets who they cannot take care of by themselves.
As has been the case, these are parents who have other children they are struggling to provide for.
I recall a tale of a mother of newborn triplets who already had six children and she was the sole provider for them.
Was that all?
Hell no! The woman said her husband vanished into thin air as soon as the children arrived, leaving her with the responsibility of caring for nine children.
These cases are not new nor confined to one area.
The sad part, though, is that the unpleasant cases occur at a time the extended family, which saw children being a responsibility of the whole village, keeps disintegrating.
The reference points are recent, but one musician sang about them way back.
Thomas Chibade’s Mai Ndi Bambo delivers a resounding advice to prevent such situations: “Wakutsina khutu ndi mnansi/
Abale anga ndimvetseni
Akataika madzi saoleka/ Koma zisanatero bwanji kudzipewa.
After taking listeners through the ordeals family planning distribution agents encounter as they move door to door, he narrates the benefits of family planning side by side with consequences of not using them.
M’manamizira inu Baibulo/
Mwati linalemba tichulukane ngati mchenga/
Munakananso uphungu wa kulera/
Dziko la Malawi silidzalola musangalale/
Mungotukwana boma muli phee ngati mbewa/
Mwati satithandiza bola tisankhe ena
Tawafunseni awo anasankha kulera/ Aombera kale kuphazi poti mmanja mwachepa…
At the centre of every child is sex.
Sex is often done for pleasure because it is sweet, but many people land in trouble because of the brief act so sweet.
Animals, including human beings, are ready to kill for sex. Spouses stop talking to each other because one cannot provide sex.
However, truth be told, every unprotected sexual encounter has the risk of pregnancy—an unintended child.
There are also risks of sexually transmitted infections.
While infections are a danger to fewer people, a child born amid problems is a problem bound to run across generations.
Some children not properly provided for easily connect to the streets in a desperate attempt to make ends meet. Once in the streets, they are exposed to untold risks.
They may become sex objects or engage in crimes as competition for survival rages. The mother is not spared. Being the most connected to the child in their infancy, the woman has to provide for them at all cost.
This happens while the man, another key stakeholder in child-making, roams free—even enjoying sex with other women who may be unaware of the disaster he has left behind.
Though they will rarely accept it, most men will never be responsible for the woman they impregnated and the eventual child.
All they are most interested in is the time when they can next have sex.
No wonder our townships are laden with young single mothers struggling every day.
Some even engage in transactional sex to provide for the ‘fatherless child’.
Women are at the centre of the child. They carry the pregnancy and nurture the child. They need to be in control every time they engage in sexual activity.
The ultimate option is family planning. Some methods of which last five years.
Women should push men to show them their villages and relatives before engaging in what would result in a child.
They should least trust a man’s uncles and aunts in towns because they may be impostors.
Besides, societies should strengthen family ties. There is need to join hands in raising the child.
We should normalise getting embarrassed when our close relative suffers while we keep in our bank accounts millions we would not even finish.
There should never arise a situation where children will repeat these lines from Chibade’s song: Amai anga eya eee, ndi bambo anga/
Mwandisambula/
Kaya mwina munandibala mulibe cholinga lero ine ndikuvutika/
Mwina munandibala mulibe cholinga lero ine mavuto okha.
