She lied that she wasn’t married

Dear BMW,

I am in a fix. I am in big trouble. A couple of months ago I met a beautiful woman on Facebook, who I started dating. She told me she lived with her sister in Mzuzu, but she has been to my house several times where we have shared some very intimate moments.

We have been going on smoothly like this for the past six months and I was glad that I’d finally found my soulmate. However, last week, someone, who said is her husband, called to say I have been a dating his wife. The man says he found WhatsApp and Facebook messages on his wife’s phone, hence the decision to contact me.

He claims the pair has a seven-year-old child and they live in Lilongwe and he works long hours and studies at night, which is why the woman had the time and liberty to flirt and eventually date me.

The husband was reasonable and I felt really bad for my indiscretion. Man-to-man, we agreed that I would cease contact with his wife as he worked to mend his broken marriage.

However, later that evening, when the woman learnt that her husband had established contact with me, she ran amok, shouting at the husband and pleading with me that she only loves me and wants to be with me, and only me.

This is despite that I told her that my conscience cannot allow me to date a married woman. And, despite my ostensible love for her, I am not a marriage-wrecker and I am not going to start now.

I know, this sounds like a story that I have made up, but trust me Biggie, this is my story and it is denying me sleep.

Anyway, what the woman did next will surprise you.

She left her husband and travelled to Blantyre, all in an effort to prove that she wanted to be with me. She says she is ready to leave her husband for me because she does not love him.

I am confused because I love her, too. So, I told her to go and sort out her issues with her husband before we could even start talking. And true to form, she travelled back to Lilongwe to tell her husband off because he called me and said he was done with her and I could have her all to myself.

But when I reflected on the events, I realised that I had done wrong and my conscience could not allow me to be with her. When I told her this, she threatened to take her life.

Biggie, what do I do? Please help a brother out.

JC, Blantyre.

Dearest JC,

You know what, tell the woman to kill herself. And I am telling you this with a straight face. Actually, my advice is that you should buy a wreath and tell her you’re ready to lay her to sleep (the pun is not intended).

And that is what you should do—forget her and bury her like she never existed.

Actually, I know a tried and trusted supplier of potent termic. At a small profit, I can turn middleperson. So, tell her we can supply the termic if she really wants to kill herself.

She is a psychopath and a flea and she will bleed you to death.

For one, how does a woman leave her husband of seven years (based on the age of the child) and run off with a man she has found on Facebook? Really? Is that a woman you can trust? How can you assure yourself that she will not run away from you once she finds another man on Instagram? Save yourself the heartbreak and the drama my brother, rid yourself of this woman and the feelings for her.

And iwenso nawe, nkhuku yoweta sitigula pamsika. Do you really think you would find a righteous woman on Facebook? For goodness sake, that is akin to walking into a tavern to look for your church pastor. I am not saying that it is impossible, but the odds are stacked heavily against you. If you so desperately desire a woman to marry, I’d suggest the church is a better place to start looking for that woman.

So, JC, leave the woman to her man and let them raise their child. You don’t want that child growing up thinking you wrecked his family and his life.

I know first-hand the pains of a broken home. Big Man has spoken. You better listen. Mutayeni mkazi ameneyo!

Big Man Wamkulu

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