Should children be parents’ best friends?
It is not uncommon to see parents refer to their children as best friends. Some ill even give them a birthday eulogy depicting a child as their best friends. Many even call their children sisters, twin or brother to affirm their friendship. Some even dress alike. Those of us who see and read get amused and wonder how this deep friendship really pans out between the person supposed to be the authoritative figure and subordinate. It also begs the question; should parents be best friends with their children? What does it really mean to be best friends with someone? Should we confide in our eight-year olds?
Urbandictionary.com describes a best friend as someone who is there for you through thick and thin. It’s someone who listens and understands you. Someone you can call anytime about anything you feel you need to ‘tell’ or ‘vent’. It’s someone who will stand up for you in the times when you need it most, keep your secrets close and someone you can trust with your life. They will support you in any decision you make even if it’s hard for them. It’s someone who is there for you as much as they can be and does and says whatever they can to up your mood in down times.
There are are plenty definitions on who a best friend is and their expected qualities. But if one sticks to his/her children for companionship, is that really the right direction? Do we tell our inner most matters to our children? Do we reveal those secrets to them in the name of oiling our friendship? What do some of those secrets do to our children, have we tried to find out?
Perhaps the positive relationship we have with our children has simply been misunderstood to mean bestie. Otherwise, parents are to guide, mentor, celebrate and reprimand children for uprightness. And as the grow older, the children can advise parents or have an input towards a decision depending on their house rules and regulations. Otherwise some households do not permit children’s say.
My view remains that children cannot be our besties. We can be allies by virtue of daily and close interactions, but that is not to be construed as the kind of friendship we ought to find in other people outside family. Guard that kind of interaction to avoid breaking boundaries and rules. Don’t compromise authority by twinning with children or calling them what they are not. Don’t put children in awkward positions by telling them about that venereal disease or hatred you have for person A or B. Don’t mislead them by instruct activities they would ordinarily refuse so they can please their ‘bestie’. They should not feel guilty about making their own decisions outside you just because you claim to be their confidante. Raise them to be independent and make their own friends while you make your. Period.
