When two consenting adults get intimate, the expectation is to own up to consequences of their choices—including raising a child if pregnancy happens. But life doesn’t always follow the script.
We have countless children growing up without knowing who their father is. Some are at least aware he exists, but never truly experience a relationship with him. Others get ‘piece-meal parenting’—a father who shows up once in a blue moon; makes an appearance at Christmas, or resurfaces after years of silence only to vanish again.
In many cases, it’s the mother who steps up, carrying the full weight of responsibility. If she’s lucky, she might find a partner willing to take on a fatherly role. And while there are rare cases of mothers also abandoning their children, let’s face it—the more common reality is fathers ghosting their own kids.
Here’s where it gets tricky: What do you tell the child when they start asking about daddy?
Many single mothers struggle with this dilemma. Some have been accused of poisoning their child’s mind out of bitterness. Others have been judged for lyin that the father died when he’s very much alive. Then there are those who sugarcoat the situation, creating elaborate excuses for why daddy isn’t around.
But the truth has a funny way of surfacing. And when it does, it often hurts more than if it had been told from the start.
The key is in how and when you say it. When the child is old enough to understand, explain why their father isn’t in the picture, but without resentment. This isn’t about making the absent parent look bad; it’s about giving the child clarity and allowing them to process reality in a healthy way.
It’s unfair to expect a single mother to lie to protect the ego of a man who abandoned his child. Actions have consequences and a parent who walks away from responsibility should be ready to deal with the fallout. Society loves to preach that the present parent should ‘be the bigger person’, but why should the burden of covering up someone else’s failure always fall on them?
What’s even more frustrating? These absentee fathers often reappear when the child has made it in life, suddenly claiming their place in the spotlight. And worse, some children, in an effort to validate that missing relationship, embrace the absentee at the expense of the mother who did all the hard work.
Children deserve the love of both parents. But when one walks away, it’s not the other parent’s duty to cover up their mess. If you make a bed, be prepared to lie in it.
At the end of the day, truth is the safest ground to stand on.
