He wants to hit it raw?

Dear BMW,

I am a 23-year-old office assistant; my work colleagues simply call me the secretary. I have been secretly dating my 45-year-old boss for over a year now. He spoils me with good stuff and money, and I spoil him with my pointy tits and voluptuous thighs. The sex is consensual as we are both adults.

However, lately my boss has been demanding to hit it raw. BMW, my boss is married and has five kids. Honestly, he is too fertile and I do not think I can sleep with him without being safe. What if he impregnates me?

Besides, what is bothering me is that he might leave me for another woman at the office. If he dumps me, I will be doomed since I am studying and he pays my fees. I am building a house and he pays for the construction (he doesn’t know about the house). I am living in a rented house and he pays the rentals.

Please BMW, there is a lot at stake here. All along, I thought sex is sex, whether raw or using a CD until he started demanding to feel me raw. Should I give in to his demands?

Rawdah, via WhatsApp, Mchesi

Dearest Rawdah,

To be frank with you, I have nothing against you hooking up with your boss. Some people think that secretaries are evil. They are not. Every day, in organisations both large and small, there are bosses having sex with women who work for them. It’s not hard to find doctors who are diddling nurses; barristers bonking law clerks; professors enjoying extracurricular activities with research assistants; politicians schtupping party women, presidents smothering their female Cabinet ministers and, of course, ordinary men sleeping with house helps.

And who knows how many prophets and church leaders are canoodling with their ‘sheep’ during night of prayers? We all know why the bosses do it: Men love sex. Mother Nature hardwired males with a powerful sex drive to ensure that the human species doesn’t die out. (And, you must admit, males are doing a damn good job!)

But many people, including myself, wonder: Why do women do it? What makes a woman sleep with her boss—especially if he is already married? Everyone knows that men don’t marry the women they have affairs with. And it’s common knowledge that a man makes his reputation the same way a woman loses hers.

The story of a woman sleeping with her boss seldom has a happy ending—and I can tell you with my hand on my chest that yours will end with you in tears. So, why are you still willing to do it?

While I sometimes advocate for no-strings-attached sex, friends with benefits and one-night-stands, because these are good for human kind, I think, it is only proper and fair that people are upfront with each other when they embark on this treacherous journey. I think it’s only fair to be frank with one another on the first day.

Look, you are old enough to tell your boss that he will eat your pie wearing gloves only or you are not available to him. Had you done so, this issue would not have arisen. But you have been giving this idiot false hopes that one day, he will sow his seeds in you.

If you deeply want to please him, I have heard that some clever girls know a thing or two about the morning after pill to prevent pregnancy. If you fear contracting the virus, you can rush to the nearest emergency room where a specialist can assist you with post exposure prophylaxis (PEP). But for this latter, I am sure, the specialist may have to ask you for some proof of rape or some other sexual assault.

So Rawdah, what’s gonna be: Raw or roll? But be careful, familiarity breeds contempt. Akupweteka akuluwo!

Big Man Wamkulu