We are raised with the belief that our parents are God’s representatives on earth. We are raised with the belief that parents do us a favour by raising us, therefore, when we become independent, start working or doing business, we should also take care of them. This is well and good and most of us do so with pride and joy knowing we are giving back to the people who sacrificed a lot to ensure that we are the independent people we are today.
But today I want to talk about the uncomfortable topic which some people are experiencing. We have some parents once they educate a child/children then they look at that child as a walking ATM machine making absurd demands and mostly demanding things that their child/children may not even afford.
I know many people want to look like saints and will always say makolo anga ndingawapangire chilichonse ngakhale kuwapatsa salary yanga yonse [I can do anything for my parents even if it means giving them my whole salary]. But this space is for realistic talk and we will keep it real.
When one is faced with a situation where a parent or parents are making too many demands which often leaves the child/children in serious debts what can one do?
Though we are raised to always obey our parents, it is important to have an open line of communication where as their children you can always tell them realistic expectations of you financially. Most of the times, some parents expect a lot because maybe their children try to portray a picture that they have a lot of money. At times when the child set a precedent that they can never say no to their parents demands they end up complaining on the side as the parents continue to make huge demands beyond their children’s earnings.
Yes, as children we need to support our parents and make them feel loved and supported for the joy they did in raising us. But this does not mean turning into their slaves all in the name supporting parents.
Recently I came across a post on social media where a lady complained about her parents making too many demands that she is always in debt trying to keep up with their demands. I do not think when they said we should help our parents they meant the children should end up suffering. No sane parent can enjoy torturing their child with too many financial demands. We need to be honest with our parents and gave them that which we can afford. If we cannot there is nothing wrong with saying no or saying wait.
To our dear parents; being in employment and being a city dweller does not always mean your child is doing well. Most of them are actually just trying to keep their heads above water. While you are free to ask for help, try to understand their financial situation. Also bear in mind if your child is married if the spouse is on board or not. Have some respect for the spouse and ensure that the two are on the same page in as far as helping you is concerned. Be proud that you raised a child/children and that they are independent. But be aware that raising them was your responsibility, not charity. Do not blackmail them into over supporting you to the extent of landing them into ngongole. Love them enough to let them flourish. If anything ask them for help which can then help you generate your income than frequently asking for financial assistance every week. Good luck!