Behind a man’s social standing as a provider, protector and problem-solver, many struggle with pressures society has taught them to hide. For some, silence becomes fatal. But what does life-saving strength look like? Our News Analyst WYCLIFFE NJIRAGOMA reports:
A struggling business. A wild betting habit. Piling losses wiping expected wins from car sales. Chikondi Useni had too much to bear and life lost its meaning.
The 36-year-old police officer, based in Mangochi, attempted suicide five times until a close friend intervened in April 2025.
“I was winning in some games, but losing in most,” he says. “The losses ate into my business, leaving me stressed and suicidal.”
In Lilongwe, Yakilini Chinsepo, 41, attempted suicide in 2022 amid allegations involving company property.
A magistrate slapped him with 18 months’ imprisonment, but the High Court overturned the jail sentence.
Chinsepo’s case raises a question: Is punishment the best answer when someone attempts suicide?
For generations, society has praised men as providers, protectors and problem solvers. A Chichewa saying has it that mwamuna salira (a real man does not cry).
But behind that image or enforced tenacity, many men are contending with financial strain, relationship difficulties, illness and emotional distress without feeling able to speak openly.
“Men are dying silently. Many are committing suicide. We reflected on this and decided to do something,” says Prestige Events experience director Chrispin Bonde.
The events management firm organised a men’s conference, themed ‘Man in the Mirror’, in Blantyre and Lilongwe where legal minds and healthcare workers unpacked the burdens that leave men on the brink.
Bonde says the silence prompted the sessions where men gather to discuss issues they seldom share.
Professor Chiwoza Bandawe, a clinical psychologist from Kamuzu University of Health Sciences, says the pressure to appear strong makes it harder for men to recognise distress and seek help.
“Many men tend to keep things to themselves. From boyhood, they are taught to suppress their tears and remain strong. But, strength doesn’t mean suppressing what hurts. This is why we see suicide rates mounting,” he says.
Bandawe is the keynote speaker in the series that debuted with a great turnout in Blantyre two months ago.
“Men are human beings who should be allowed to cry and express their feelings,” he adds.
Men account for over 80 percent of suicides in the country.
Radiologist Moses Chipembo Soko, from Zomba Central Hospital, says the cost of silence wrecks body functions as men appear too busy to seek care until deadly conditions—like depression and hypertension—get out of hand.
He says some men harm themselves by resorting to toxic substances such as alcohol, drugs and sexual performance enhancement pills without knowing their underlying health status.
“Sex does not kill,” he says. “It’s the health conditions that are not diagnosed or known to the people that do.”
Soko explains that stress can affect sexual performance and strain relationships.
“Addressing such problems begins with psychological well-being, healthier relationships, less substance abuse and adequate rest. Working continuously without enough time to recover can add to stress and affect performance,” he states.
Beyond immediate health, family care is equally important for men’s peace of mind.
“As men, we need to start planning for what happens after we die. Estate planning is good for a good legacy. Through legally binding instruments like wills, we should be able to leave our property in proper hands when we are gone,” says High Court of Malawi Judge Justice Allan Muhome.
While a single conference cannot undo expectations that have taught men to hide their pain, making room for honest conversations may help people recognise when they need support before a crisis deepens.
Useni, for instance, turned around the pain he once carried alone to support others facing similar struggles.He founded Depression Survivors Malawi, which provides psychosocial counselling to men and women in agony.
For men carrying invisible burdens, strength can mean speaking up, seeking help, checking on one’s health, resting, tending to relationships and planning for the people who matter.
