Dear BMW,
I am in love with a widower who is 30 years older than me. The man is very wealthy, but that is not the reason I am head over heels in love with him. I genuinely love him for who he is and for the kindness in his heart.
The challenge I have is that my friends, peers and some people in my community think I am only interested in his money. Their comments and gossip are making me uncomfortable.
BMW, isn’t it true that in love, age is just a number? Doesn’t a widower deserve the chance to love again, even if it is with a much younger woman? What should I do?
Roseice,
Mangochi
Dearest Roseice,
First of all, it is not a crime to date a widower, whether he is two years older than you or thirty. The police have no form titled “Loving an older man with a fat bank account.” If they did, half of Mangochi would be filling it in right now.
The problem, my dear, is that people rarely believe in pure love when money is involved. If a broke widower with three goats and a bicycle came asking for your hand in marriage, the same people calling you a gold-digger today would be complaining that you are aiming too low. Human beings are experts at shifting goalposts.
Now let us talk about the age gap. Thirty years is not a small difference. When you are discussing the latest dance challenge on TikTok, the old man may be discussing blood pressure tablets and pension plans. When you are planning a girls’ weekend, he may be planning an afternoon nap. Such realities cannot be ignored.
However, if the two of you genuinely enjoy each other’s company, respect one another, and share the same values and goals, then the opinions of spectators should not determine your happiness. After all, those people criticizing your relationship will not be paying your bills, warming your house during cold nights, or holding your hand when life gets difficult.
What you must do is search your own heart honestly. Remove the money from the equation and ask yourself: if this man lived in a grass-thatched house and rode a bicycle to town, would you still choose him? If the answer is yes, then carry on confidently and let the gossipers exercise their tongues.
As for whether a widower deserves to love again, absolutely. The loss of a spouse is not a life sentence to loneliness. Widowers are human beings, not museum exhibits.
So, my verdict is simple: date the man if he makes you happy, but make sure you are in love with the man himself and not with his bank statement. Bank accounts can shrink faster than a politician’s promises after elections.
And remember, people will always talk. If you marry him, they will talk. If you leave him, they will talk. You might as well give them something worthwhile to discuss.
BMW
