Bawo has killed my love life

Dear BMW,

I am 40, married to a 35-year-old beautiful and sexy woman. Together, we have four kids aged between three and 10. I kneel before you Biggie because my wife has lost her libido and life in the bedroom is getting too boring. I have to go months on end without eating the fruit. When she allows it—for my sanity’s sake—she lays down like a log. Married life is no longer fun.

To save our marriage, we consulted counsellors where she spilled the beans that she has lost interest in lovemaking because I spend too much time playing Bawo (of course, I do play Bawo up to 11pm everyday of the week). But I have, so, far slowed down on Bawo. However, she is still not interested in me. What should I do to bring back the fire in the bedroom? Or should I leave her for a hot-blooded young woman?

YC, Machinga, via WhatsApp

Dearest YC,

Please, just shut up. What are you going to do with a hot-blooded woman when you are failing to service a drained 35-year-old wife. Come on! You have been running away from your duties to play bawo and you hoped your woman was an idiot to keep waiting for your tired self to show up. Walemba m’madzi.

Let me be raw with you. Women, just like men, have sexual needs. And these needs top the list. Do you get the gist? If you don’t, let me just spill it for you: your wife is cheating on you. Hello!

No woman loses libido because a husband plays too much bawo, drinks or travels often; they don’t. In fact, that’s when they lust for you more because, as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Women do lose their libido when they are depressed or going through a bad patch financially and during menopause [Google that word]. But hell no, your wife has not lost libido, not half of it. What she has been losing lately is her underwear—possibly at her boyfriend’s humble abode or in a motel near your house.

The new man in her life, I can tell you, is a lucky fella—in a Versace—or what not and is having a field day with her. It is, therefore, not surprising that your woman has all the excuses for you to stay away from dipping your pinky in her cookie jar. I don’t blame her because she is being overworked by the new stud and all you do as a lazy man is to set her loins on fire when you can’t put out the fire. Who in their right mind tolerates such nonsense!

At 40, you should be at home taking care of the kids and entertaining the wife all night long. Leave bawo to old men in their 70s to while away as they await death.

Za Bawo zitayeni.

Big Man WamkuluNOTE: You can now send your problems to BMW via WhatsApp number: +265 998-110-975. No calls please!

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