When Chiletso Kayipa (not her real name) lost her husband through a tragic accident, she could not believe what had happened. Being told of the news on her hospital bed was so much heartache that she wished the fatal accident had taken them both.
She had just married two years ago and was seven months pregnant. She could not believe that the child would live not knowing who his father was and her relatives were going to bury her husband with her still in hospital and in pain.
Kayipas’ husband died on the spot. She, however, was badly hurt on both legs and had to be operated on right away.
Ten years have passed since the fatal accident, but Chiletso still looks back and wonders why her life was spared.
Currently working as a lecturer, some of the students she has taught regard her as one of the cruel lecturers they have ever met.
One student, Mphatso Mwase (not real name), says Kayipa would even challenge the class.
“The woman was cruel, she told us right there that God did not spare her husband, why should she be lenient with us? And so she would give us low grades and it was that bad.
“She has been my lecturer for three years, from second year to fourth year; but I survived by the grace of God. In most cases a lot of students from her class sit supplementary examination,” he says.
According to Phiri, students had to write to the administration to complain about her.
“We ended up writing a report and she loosened up, but she was one bad teacher,” he says.
Psychologist Daniel Banda says death is dealt differently by different people. Whereas some people become violent others are very calm about it, he said.
“Death of a loved one is an event that many of us are likely to experience during our lifetimes on numerous occasions. Although lives are often transformed by such loss, it does not necessarily need to be for the worse in the long term. Dealing effectively and positively with grief caused by such a loss is central and most important for any person’s recovery,” he says.
According to Banda, people grieve differently. While people may try to suggest ways of doing it, grieving is natural and time heals all wounds.
“During my counseling sessions I have come across people who question the need forbeing friends or being nice to people, but the issue is, being nice never hurts and it does wonders to the griever much more than they can ever realise. Through interacting with people, slowly one begins to open up. You might find yourself smiling, which is important.
“There are also some people who fail to cope and these people need constant monitoring, but with time they too should move on,” he adds.
Marriage counselor Hasting Phale says: “Prayer does help. Through the Word of God, one is able to find solace. While one attends counseling, it is also vital for them to pray.”
