Dear BMW,
My man has a tonne of single female friends, all in their 20’s. He is 50! I don’t think much of it because they seem genuinely friends.
But they hook up with him all the time like going for drives, visiting our farm and sometimes, they join family events such as our children’s birthdays, weddings and graduation parties. This makes me feel a bit uncomfortable), but he assures me not to think too much about it as he is not sowing his royal oats in any of the girls.
Laterly, I have been asking him why he does not have as my male friends as the females, but my husband won’t answer me. I don’t want to be pushy because maybe he just gets along with females better.
But BMW, what could cause a man to have mostly female friends? Yet, when we were dating he had a mix of male and female friends and now after we married my husband mostly has females as friends.
Just out of curiosity, please explain to me.
Naphiri, via WhatsApp, Blantyre
Dearest Naphiri,
I don’t know whether you were born with this naiveté or it came into you somewhere along the way. Tikamati kufunsa chinyezi m’bafa ndi zimenezi.
Look, you have eyes open wide, but you can’t see anything in full sunlight!
From what you say, there has been a drastic change in his life. You say he used to have friends from both genders, but now it is only girls, girls and more girls.
You may call me wachimidzi, but get it from me, like I got it from my grandmother: There is no way a man can have a girl for a friend. And my grandmother scarcely told untruths.
Do some soul-searching, what is repelling him from you and attracting him to these young ones? From the tone of your voice, it appears these girls are far much younger than you. I like deconstruction, that must mean they are even far much younger than him.
How open are you with your man? From all appearances, you are worlds apart. Which is not a problem if both of you know your likes and dislikes. But when you let your husband go to your farm, yes your farm, with other girls, you have yourself to blame when one thing leads to another at the farm.
Why are you not interested in this kind of family investment?
So you see, we men like younger women because they can give us the solace our wives withhold, knowingly or unknowingly. The wise ones do it discreetly, but the daredevils, like your husband, do it openly.
You have problems in your hands. But the biggest problem is yourself. Njoka saweta chemwali.
You are too introverted because by now, you could have discussed this with your friends, but you are simply satisfied with pheee ku banja! As naive as you are, you keep on believing he will stop all this nonsense. You will cry, and there will be no one to wipe away your tears.
If you asked me what you should do, I would tell you to go out there. Boys out there are looking for lonely souls like you. Get on with it or tell your man off the girls.
One thing: Never tell the girls off. They will become more vicious.
