My boss dates my workmates save for me

Dear BMW

My first job out of college started as a dream: a law firm with a majority female team and a legal king on a mission to empower women; professionally and sexually. Now that I’ve been here for almost a year, the cracks are starting to show. Our boss—a married idiot with four kids—has dated all my colleagues save for me. And he is really putting me in a very uncomfortable situation.

Every day when he walks in the office, all the girls giggle and are on their toes to impress him and he gives them the attention. When I try to do the same, he walks over me like I have no ass and killer tits. For a year, I have been patient taking in all the insults from the girls who have dated him, to hearing all kinds of rubbish of what he does when he is in bed with them.

Why I have decided to write to you today, Biggie, is because just last week he started making out with our new receptionist. Everyone in the office now knows, and I feel stupid because even the new staff catches his attention when I have failed to attract him all these years.

What is even worse, I recently found him on top of her in my office on a weekend when everyone was supposed to be off-duty. Now, I can hardly stand to look at him, let alone work for him yet he plays it off like this is normal behaviour to romp in the office and ignore a beautiful woman like me.

Do I need to quit my job? Or tell his wife that he is such a cheat?

OMG, via WhatsApp, Limbe

Dearest OMG,

Normally, of course, your boss’s sex life and relationship choices would be none of your business.  But it’s hard to consider this none of your business when your boss keeps making it your business by being so flagrant about it and treats you like dirt. And it’s even harder to ignore when he is pounding the receptionist when you are burning with lust (your letter tells it all, you are burning my dear).

But before I answer your two questions, I truly think that this stuff just doesn’t belong at work. Even if your boss is such a ‘harlot’, he is making his sexual activities a focus of your workplace in a way that’s 100 percent inappropriate. In fact, even if he were single—and thus you weren’t worried about the cheating aspect of this—it would still be inappropriate to know this much about his sex life.

That said … Don’t you have a boyfriend or an idiot of your own? Why are you so concerned about a married man, a ‘harlot’ as you say? Why are you such an attention-seeker? Is the receptionist not woman enough? You see, this behaviour that I am better than all of them only makes you a loser at the end of the day. After all, your boss is not obligated to date you or any woman because they are beautiful! He has his choices and you, of all people, will not choose women for him. So, pull yourself together. Leave your boss alone and concentrate on your work. Stop poking your dirty nose into his affairs. Remember, this is your boss, and presumably you could jeopardise your job if you hang him to his wife.

All I am saying is that you are not required to risk your livelihood in an effort to make this right. That doesn’t mean, though, that there aren’t other things you can do. You’re absolutely allowed to say to your boss: ‘Boss, sleeping with the receptionist in my office makes me uncomfortable’.

Lastly, you also asked if you need to quit your job. Aaah come on!  You’re overreacting, right? Next time you write, spare me this nonsense! Mukhala pa ulova za zii!

Big Man Wamkulu