100 ways to miss Atcheya

 January 25 2024

Dear Diary,

As I write a tent and carpet from State House that were stolen en route to Mwanza have just been found dumped somewhere on the way. It is clear that those who stole the stately property do so most of the times. This time, they pinched the wrong things on the Presidential diary engagements in Mwanza.

One can’t buy the idea that the tent and carpet were stolen by people who knew what they were doing.

In all this, the security question still comes to mind: If thieves choose to pinch Vice President Saulos Chilima’s biscuits and have the nerve to offload without permission ca carpet with Presidential insignia with the langued lion passant that is the very epitome of the echelons of power, how safe are Malawians on the street?

While news about these ‘petty’ thefts in high places are happening, we hear some police officers in Lilongwe have arrested a fellow officer for stealing a a friend’s motorcycle and selling it to a kabaza operator. Well, if a police officer steals goods from their own yard, where will the citizens run for assistance?

Talking about arrests, police this week threw into the cooler Pearson Chimimba, Hector Ndawala and Lucy Namba for allegedly heckling President Lazarus Chakwera who was on his way to Chileka Airport where he was scheduled to leave for the Democratic Republic of Congo for the swearing-in of re-elected Etienne Tshisekedi.

In the first place, Chakwera broke the very austerity measures he laid out in November last year that he would cut on foreign travel until March. The cover up that the trip was most important as the two leaders had to discuss very pertinent security issues as Malawian soldiers are on a peace-keeping mission in the country. The last time I checked, the Malawian soldiers in the DRC are on United Nations regiments so how can the two leaders discuss the goings-on of the soldiers on a UN ticket?

For some weeks, there was a signpost on the Magalasi Road on the entry into Ndirande at Blantyre Girls which read: Chiyambi cha ndale ndi ku Ndirande, mudzatifuna. The genesis of politics is Ndirande, you will come kneeling for us.

T h i s l o c u t ion was popularized in Code Sangala’s Kwathu ku Ndirande song. The truth lies bare for all to see the political role Ndirandeans play in raising the political tempo! Have you forgotten that Chakwera addressed his last rally for the Fresh Presidential Elections two years and eight months ago at Njamba Freedom Park and to make the tempo super high, his running mate Saulos Chakwera addressed a rally at Nyambadwe in Ndirande and had to run all the way to Njamba to join Chakwera.

Why should we remember all this? Ndirande is the macrocosm of Malawi society. It is the crucible of the Malawian ethos and pathos.

If there is one area where the cultural attachment people have for funerals is upheld, Ndirande ranks on the top runges. You see a red cloth indicating lemekezani maliro, you would dare ride a bicycle on that route. Neither can you put your hat on as you walk by the siwa.

So, the people from Ndirande claim it is wrong for the police to arrest only three people when so many more were involved in the blocking of the presidential motorcade at HHI. Rightly so. How can there be ring leaders in such circumstances?

This is why I miss Atcheya, former President Bakili Muluzi. Of course, not that tongue-in-cheek response he gave when he was asked to stop gallivanting: Ndimayenda pakhomo panu?

I strongly miss Atcheya because the very idea of mourners blocking his way could not have happened. With police officers knowing there was a high-ranking funeral about to pass from Goliyo to HHI, some area governor or even high ranking official could have already gone to the siwa before mourners leave for the burial ceremony.

M i n d y o u , t h i s w a s the funeral of a relative of musician Saleta Phiri! Chakwera’s intelligence team may have overlooked such nuances about Ndirande.

So, Muluzi, let me think for him, could have deployed a team to the siwa. For that matter, he could have passed by Goliyo himself.

“ P e p a n i , p e p a n i . N d a bwe r a kudzakupepesani. Saleta Phiri, Akuka sanali woimba wamba. Onani adatisiira nyimbo monga Munyaradzi k o m a n s o O l a l u wa . Choncho, lero tataya mayi wathu. Pepani kwambiri. N’kadakhala nawo mpaka kukaika nawo ku HHI, koma mukudziwa andiitana uku ku DRC…” I see him saying, while pouring out some cash for condolences.

A leader detached from the people lives in his own world. It is even worse when a leader is surrounded by henchmen who are even detached from the people.

Remember, in Ndirande the then President Peter Mutharika had to go running when he tried to seal his candidature after presenting nomination papers to the Malawi Electoral Commission. Much as it was wrong and wrong, Mutharika let it pass.

There are too many hungry and angry people.