Dear BMW,
I am 30-year old woman, in a new relationship with a lovely guy. He loves me and I love him with my all. Both of us were looking for someone special, and appear to have found what we wanted in each other.
We get on very well but the sexual spark between us is almost zero. While I burn with lust, my boyfriend is always calm. Biggie, for the six months I have been with him, he has not touched me, let alone ask for a kiss. This is definitely the most worrying thing in this relationship.
I have tried to beg him for sex, but he says we should wait until we are married. I am totally flabbergasted because all the other boys I have dated in the past pounded me on the first date or at least tried to.
I keep praying that he is not gay. But should I be worried that he is seeing someone?
KT, Mzuzu via WhatsApp
Dearest KT,
If you ask me, sex is overrated. In fact, I can tell you it doesn’t rank up there on my list of priorities. But for you and your likes who watch too much porn you think that if a man can’t have his magic stick up when he is with you, then there is something terribly wrong with him. Get a life.
Please do not listen to some idle scientists who suggested that men think about sex after every seven seconds. Good Lord! Nothing could be further from the truth.
Ask any married couple, they don’t have marathon sex on the regular. You will be shocked by how infrequent they do it. Some take week, months even years, yet they are still madly in love.
My dear, sex is not everything. For men like me and your man, love is the whole lot. By the way, contrary to popular belief, men don’t want sex all the time. They have other matters to attend to; work, church, watch soccer, drink beer, chat with friends, ogle at women on the streetsand most of all the love to make money. Men also want to be left alone. They are not sex machines.
As for you, KT, I think you have a reputation of a sex maniac and your past boyfriends might have passed word around that you are easy lay; hence, he is trying to be careful as we often call it; he has the fear of consequences. Your man knows that a relationship is easy to start, but messy to untangle from especially if sex is involved.
The smart and wise man that your man is, must have learnt it the hard way to contain his urges and come to appreciate that you cannot get it on with every woman who claims to be ‘into you’.
Let me end by saying that, of course, sex is great but it is not the end of a man’s existence. So stop asking your boyfriend for sex as if your life depends on it.
There is more to love than sex. Dyera eti!
Big Man Wamkulu
