Dear BMW,
I am 33 and my hubby is 44. He is my best friend and we talk a lot. We met in college and we both teach at one of the universities.
Although our work schedules are tight, we do find time to be together. We talk about anything and everything save for sex.
I thought men were always up for it, but after being so passionate early in our relationship; my husband has gone quiet on bedroom matters and never starts anything anymore.
As for me, I am on fire. When I knock off from work, my body is on fire and I crave being thrown on the bed and be ‘hammered’ so that the long-day’s stress goes away.
I try to initiate it, but it seems he does not get it. When I put on short dresses for him—read it again, for him—he will send me back into the bedroom saying babe your dress is too short.
When I try to be naughty, twerk or show off my thighs to him, he will say there are kids around, do not do that. When I ask him to examine my boobs and see if there are any lamps, he will touch them as if they are eggs and say, babe, there is nothing in your boobs.
If I sleep naked and pushes away the duvet for him to appreciate my body, he comes and covers me up and asks why I am not wearing anything. Sometimes he even asks: “Aren’t you feeling cold?”. Imagine!
I know, I used to be a nuisance in the past with my excuses not to have sex, but I have matured and everything in my life is fine. We have a nice house, cars, two kids and a nice dog.
It’s the jig-jig that I miss and it seems like it’s me who is being a harlot in this house.
What could be wrong?
Madam Dry Spell,
Via WhatsApp, Kampala, Blantyre
Hi Madam Dry Spell,
Check first that your husband does not have a girlfriend at work, a health problem, is tired, depressed or worrying about something.
However, that is not likely. The real reason is probably more subtle. He might have stopped taking the lead because of how you used to treat him and he is wondering whether he is making unwanted sexual advances. Remember all those ‘no means no’ publicity campaigns?
Somehow he thinks ‘taking you’ is not acceptable any more. Think of it as an unintended consequence of modern life. Keeping their relationships passionate has become harder for men in this politically correct world.
And this should be a lesson to all ‘I am not in the mood women’ that once that begins in marriage, the man shuts off completely will not entertain nonsense even when you are in the mood again.
So, ladies out there, it’s important to respond positively even when you don’t feel like it. Give, give and give all the time as that says you want him, and making out is fun.
As some say, perfect moments never happen, so don’t pass on intimacy just because you’re busy or you do not feel right. Make time, because nothing makes taking the lead harder than clock-watching.
Thanks that you have matured and you have developed some ‘in the mood’ signals that can possibly wooing him back to the marital bed. And continue sleeping in the raw. You never know!
From experience, we men love it when our wives are obvious and direct, so my straight win advice is talk to him kuti amwene muzidya katatu I am not your sister. He will get it.
Above all, respond positively whenever he makes even the slightest flirty remark. Tell him later how good it feels when he says things like that.
But tell him kuti osaopa, osafooka, osagonja! Kumadya kumadya!
All the best,
Big Man Wamkulu
