What if Mutharika became Chilima’s running mate for 2019?

Professor Dr Abiti Joyce Befu, MG 66, and the Most Excellent Grand Achiever-MEGA 1,  Alhajj Mufti Jean-Philippe LePoission, SC (RTD), Nganga Maigwaigwa, PSC (RTD), the Most Paramount Native Authority Mzee Mandela and I, Malawi’s only Mohashoi,  are this week in Mulanje to enjoy the cool weather from our Mulanje Mountain, our God-given treasure, home of the world unique indigenous cedar tree and unexplored bauxite.

We actually came here to help in the campaign for us to retain our Democratic Progress Party (DPP) ward council seat.  We did not want to leave anything to chance although we knew, that here in Moyaland, as this Lhomwe and Mang’anjaland is fondly called, and the Malawi Congress Party (MCP) had no chance of winning.  Even if we put forward a hyena as our candidate and the MCP president himself stood as a candidate, our hyena would still win.  This is the home of the DPP. The results show that even if all other parties put together their miserly results, we would still be victors.

For purposes of our security we are lodged in three places, Kara O’Mula perched on the Western slopes of the majestic Mulanje Mountain, Nalipiri Tourist Lodge along the Chitakale-Phalombe Highway and a third place that we will not reveal.

Last night we decided not to be in all these places. Instead we went to have lunch and dinner at Luchenza, headquarters of the Mlakho wa Alhomwe, MWA for short. As nationally recognised tourists and assessors, we should be taken for our word when we say that MWA could as well be the most organised cultural orgsanisation in Malawi, partly due to the financial commitment the members of the grouping make annually.

At Chonde the MWA centre is elaborate. There are training classrooms, a VIP dais, dance and theatre arenas, restaurants and fish ponds and of course, stalls for gondolosi. If anybody does not know the use of that root, please come to Chonde for theoretical lectures and to Luchenza for paid practical lessons.

In the evening, we drove down to Hapuwani Village Lodge near the Mulanje district headquarters for a fantakoko. We found a three people near the counter who were downing ‘treated’ fantakoko and other drinks like there is no tomorrow.

“Isn’t it clear now that the DPP is perhaps more divided than say Aford and the MCP?” asked one bearded youngish man as sipped on his drink.

“Callista is just a bitter woman who has decided to make public a private family problem,” retorted another equally bearded man, adding “without the support and endorsement of Apita and the Lhomwe, no DPP candidate can win the presidency. Never undermine the power of ethnicity.”

“But there is one thing I like about the challenge mounted by Callista. This has never happened in a ruling party since the Cabinet rebellion or crisis of 1964,” said the only lady in their group. He added: “Our democracy has matured. In the past, Callista would have been meat for hyenas or would have just disappeared like Kapolo Msungeni.”

“Kapolo Msungeni?” the first bearded man asked.

“Yeah,” the lady answered, “He was an opposition candidate in a by-election in Ndirande. He just disappeared and the ruling party won the election. The police never even bothered to look for him.”

“The MCP was ruthless!” the seconded bearded man concluded.

“That happened during the UDF rule!” the lady said, laughing.

“Whatever,” the second bearded man said, “but one thing is sure and that is that we, the hardcore members of the DPP cannot allow an outsider, a non-member, someone we invited, polished up and empowered, to take the leadership of our party, a party we suffered to build and preserve after the death of our founding father. We can’t. It just can’t happen while we watch. If someone thinks what happened to UDF can happen to DPP, that person is on a diet of hard stones.”

“Don’t develop a cardiac arrest,” the first bearded man said. “This is nothing; a mere storm in a tea cup. Apita will stand and decide on his new running mate. The DPP convention will decide.”

“And there is no better candidate! These day dreamers must know that,” the second bearded man said categorically.

“I think the former first lady is just tasting the political waters.  Her personal anger at how she is reportedly being treated is being translated to an intraparty rebellion where she will be the biggest beneficiary,” said the first bearded man.

“What more benefit does she want? Is being wearing the Mutharika brand not enough benefit already? I hear she wants to be Chilima’s running mate should their rebellion work,” the second bearded man said.

“What if Peter Mutharika became Saulos Chilima’s running mate in 2019,” the lady proposed.

“Ridiculous. Nonsensical. Spooky. Calamitous. Objectionable. Inadmissible. How does a sitting President, and a professor for that matter, someone who has developed this country so much, be reduced to a junior hand clapper? Imagine Chilima coming onto the dais and Apita standing,” the second bearded man responded, his anger unmasked.