Dear Judge Mbadwa,
I come before your honourable court as an overly excited citizen, seeking an injunction against all unpatriotic economists who are questioning the luminous wisdom of our new K9.8 billion per month power deal with Mozambique.
My Lord, I have heard joyless accountants wailing that paying $5.5 million monthly for 50MW, whether we consume it or not, is expensive. Expensive? This is not an expense, My Lord, it is an investment in national character building!
Under the wise tutelage of the People’s Demagogic Party (PDP), we have finally moved from the primitive idea of “paying for what you use” to the more advanced philosophy of “paying for what you might not get.”
Consider the brilliance, My Lord. For years, our citizens complained about blackouts. Now, we have found a permanent solution: we shall pay for electricity so expensively that we will be too broke to afford the appliances that need it. No fridge, no blackout. No TV, no disturbance. Is this not load-shedding by financial discipline?
The opposition, in their usual ignorance, says we should fix Kapichira and Nkula with the same money. My Lord, why repair your own bicycle when you can rent your neighbour’s at 10 times the price? It shows regional integration, brotherhood and a profound commitment to the Sadc spirit of sharing bills.
And what of the K29 billion security deposit we must pay before a single bulb flickers? My Lord, this is not unaffordable. This is a dowry! In Nyasaland tradition, you must show you are serious before you marry a woman. Mozambique is showing us she is a high-value bride. We must pay lobola for electrons.
Furthermore, My Lord, critics argue that 50MW is a mere candle against a national demand of 508MW. I say, let us be grateful for small mercies. The Ministry of Energy has wisely taught us that a little light is better than no budget at all.
Let the record show that this deal also solves our forex crisis in a very innovative way. By sending all our dollars to Mozambique every month, we will finally have no dollars left to fight over. No forex, no forex shortage. Problem solved, just like cholera and water tariffs!
My Lord, I also applaud the vision of our State Enterprises. Egenco says it needs $23 million to bring back 64MW from Kapichira and $95 million for 10MW at Nkula B. That is old thinking. Why generate 64MW for $23 million when you can rent 50MW for $66 million every year for 10 years? That, My Lord, is what they call modern procurement mathematics.
Therefore, I pray this court finds that paying K9.8 billion monthly for darkness is not economic suicide, but patriotic sacrifice. Let us tighten our belts, switch off our lights voluntarily and pay.
After all, if we can afford to pay 70 percent more for water we don’t have, why not pay billions for power we might not receive?
I rest my case, in total darkness.
Yours in ever-paying loyalty,
John Citizen
