The dilemma of handling relationships as a single parent

Single parenthood is part of our lives. Despite a lot of efforts to sustain a marriage or a relationship with the father/mother of one’s children, sometimes love just dies and one is forced to face life as a single parent. To others, it is by choice. However, dating by single parents can cause dilemma, especially on how to introduce the new lover to their children. They may grapple over bringing the lover over for a sleepover. And in the case of sleepovers, what do parents say to the children? Do they owe them an explanation about their dating lives? Can children stop their single parents from dating certain individuals?

Children tend to be protective of their parents. They are sensitive whenever parents bring home a lover. They worry and question the intentions of the new lover. As a single parent, one must understand and handle the situation maturely.

For example, how soon is too soon to introduce a new boyfriend or girlfriend to children? I am not an expert, but I know that it is important to delay introductions until the relationship is well established. While it is discouraged to introduce children to lovers frequently, I also think it is important for single parents to be open and tell their children about whom they are dating. Being too secretive for too long can be disastrous.

Now, the case of sleepovers is what I have problems with. I think single parents should try and avoid them as much as possible. In the case where lovers still want to enjoy the warmth of their own homes, then maybe they can wait until children go for holidays somewhere. Otherwise bringing lovers for sleepovers every now and then may appear OK, but many children find this not only an invasion of their space, but also a sign that it is OK to sleep around with people one is not married to. It may actually become hard for a single parent who brings lovers home for sleepovers to advise children against sexual immorality.

But it is important for children to be aware that parents have their own lives to live. They should not stop them for selfish reasons.

I have witnessed children stand in the way of their single parents from dating and enjoying a relationship. Parents should discipline children in such a case so they know their boundaries and learn to respect the new lover who may one day become a step parent. By the end of the day, dating for a single parent is not the same as it is for someone without children. It is important to exercise maturity and caution. Cases of a single mother’s boyfriend preying on her girl child have tormented us enough.