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Third State of Our Estate Report to Edward Chitsulo

 

Moya; wherever you are, with whomever you may be, and however you may abode, accept our sincere greetings from this ethnically-divided but pretentiously united-wretched country.

We undertake to give you these annual reports in full fulfilment of the covenant we verbally made that Sunday evening in March 2015 just seven days before your departure for the land of no-return.  On that Sunday evening, you jocundly threatened that if you went first, you expected an annual state of our estate report. If we failed, you warned, you would come back brimming with fire and fury to hold us by our throats until we choked.

Moya, we are thus pleased to report that nothing sinister has happened to our State House and our dear President. He is still Peter Arthur Mutharika (PAM), although some people, mostly journalists, prefer calling him Arthur Peter Mutharika (APM), while we his ardent and genuine supporters simply call him Apita.

You see Moya, for over a year now we have attempted to re-school our compatriots that the arrangement of one’s names matters such that PAM and APM could be different people. But as you already know, this is Malawi, no one listens until the axe is in one’s head, to borrow a wise saying from Chewaland.  President Mutharika still maintains his professorship.

Since our last report what has really changed at State House is that our first lady, our mother, our moral guide, is now Professor. Her full title is now Her Excellency Professor Dr Gertrude Mutharika. We have made progress; haven’t we?

Moya, our President has just launched the third edition of the Malawi Growth and Development Strategy (MGDS) III and he insists that we need to be exporters rather than perpetual importers of finished goods.  We are yet to read the full strategy but the exporter-importer mantra is something we have heard ad nauseam. We can’t export without a value-chain approach.

Moya, our Parliament has been very good at providing checks and balances including investigating possible corruption. One minister from Moyaland is now answering charges in court related to possible abuse of power during the purchase of maize from Marambo as Zambia was known before the British privatised that land.

However, our parliamentarians have proved rather unethical by accepting to share K40 million each from funds hitherto undeclared, unbudgeted for and unapproved by Parliament.  Some civil society organisations and individuals are baying for Finance Minister, Goodall Gondwe’s blood. However, we feel all, from the Head of Government down to parliamentarians on both aisles, and civil servants involved in financial planning are guilty and must all resign. When one fish rots, the people of Tongaland say, all the fish in the pot are rotten.

Moya, we hear that the economy has improved and the currency, the kwacha, has stabilised. But the economics of the basket show that that is mere wishful thinking. The prices of groceries, transportation, fuel, luxury drinks, corruption, marriage, divorce, medicines, and you name it, have all gone up but the wise people in government maintain that the economy has stabilised. Define stabilisation?

Moya, we are preparing for parliamentary, presidential and local government elections due in May 2019. We will give you a detailed report on this at this time next year. However, just note that the Malawi Congress Party (MCP) seems to have a real chance of winning the elections, that is, if the party’s senior members stop playing silly and childlike games.

They keep challenging each other in the courts forgetting that similar child play cost the party elections in the past. One woman, claiming that she owns the MCP because her father was once a senior member of that party, even dramatically burned party cloth in front of news-starved journalists and social media cameras. Wise landlady burns own house?

Moya, the UDF, Umodzi, and PP seem to have been killed and their chances of winning any presidential election in the near future are as unguaranteed as Escom power; which takes us to Escom and Egenco.

Moya, the people tasked to generate and supply electricity have failed with honours. We were told that generation was low because of low water levels in our Lake Malawi and a set of diesel powered generators were procured. The lake is now pregnant with water and the generators are grinding the diesel away. However, the power black outs are as frequent as they have been.

Note, Moya, that while Malawi claims to own Lake Malawi it is Tanzania that is benefitting sailing its ships and transporting goods from Mbamba Bay to Monkey Bay. Malawi is eating crumbs from its own plate.

Moya, it is wrong to be male in Malawi. Out of all the students that performed miraculously in last year’s MSCE only girls are being praised. NGOs are now campaigning that we all support female candidates during the 2019 elections. We will support and campaign for men.

As for MBC?  Ah, Moya, how do you expect the leopard to change his spots?

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