If I were Peter Mutharika

President of the Republic of Malawi, I would not scare my political opponents and critics by warning them that I am ready to invoke the law against insulting me, flags and emblems because I am not a saint when it comes to badmouthing my critics.

If I were my President, I would not take advantage of archaic laws to gag people and muzzle freedom of expression when I am also insulting them at my public rallies.

Oh yes, If I were the 79-year-old President, I would remember the adage that when you live in a glass house, do not throw stones.

I would also stop churning out unparliamentary words like opusa, anyapapi, ndiwapsinyapsinya and omwa madzi ometera ndevu. The cardinal rule is:  chisamakomere mbuzi kugunda galu (Do to others as you would have them do to you).

How I wish I were APM because I would appreciate that 70 percent of Malawi’s population is under the age of 35 and strive for greatness instead of uttering unprintable insults at the slightest provocation.

I would also realise that I am living a legacy of a foul-mouthed President. I would not love to be remembered as such.

But I am not APM wopsinyapsinya! DPP woyee!! DPP woyee!